Adventures of Sallypino

Remembering Vienna

2012-02-06T07:06:00.000-08:00

Karim and I won a trip to Vienna for new years. And yes- this is a bit late, but I thought I'd post this anyway.

Who's weighing you down?

2012-02-05T13:04:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I had this heart to heart with one of my colleagues at "work". (It's in quotations because I sort of volunteer there...sort of. It's complicated.)

We were talking about why I sort of go into a panic whenever I have to submit work that I've done. And I told him, that quite frankly, I have self esteem issues. I never feel like my work is good enough.

The next question he asked was "Oh yeah? So when did that start?"

And at first I thought it was a bizarre question and my knee-jerk response was "Well, I've always been this way". But then I remembered that I wasn't. I remember not giving a crap about what people thought of me- and being quite content.

After some thought- I pinpointed the beginning of all my issues to my first semester of school in Egypt. I've previously written about the racism, bullying and communication problems I faced there so I won't get into that again. But it was quite remarkable for me to find out where my insecurities really stemmed from.

And of course, there have been other instances in my past that I'm sure have affected my self-esteem negatively, but that conversation really highlighted the fact that I never really left that school behind.

In fact I carried it with me. I carried that baggage with me through all these years. All the hurt, insecurities, sadness, pain and anger. It's all been with me, weighing me down and holding me back.

I told my friend that I never really spent the time trying to evaluate what caused me to feel how I feel right now. It's so much easier to watch television or go out, or even sleep. I also think that deep down I knew that tapping into that hurt would release a flood of sadness that would probably keep me in bed for weeks crying my eyes out.

He told me to forgive those that hurt me. To choose to, not feel obligated to. To wish them well even.

He told me that doing so would make me feel so much lighter, almost as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

So- here it goes...

To the bullies at school that sent me home crying every-day for a semester. Those that told me my family would go to hell because they weren't all Muslims. The guy that twisted my arm and insulted my mother for being a Filipina. The guy that threatened me with the razor blade in class. To the girl that would insult me in Arabic thinking that I didn't understand.

As hard as this is for me to do- I forgive you. And because this may not be 100% sincere just yet (let's keep it real, yeah?) I will continue working on forgiving you. People make mistakes, just I have done. And I'm going to count all those things as mistakes.

I think to forgive and forget is stupid. And although my friend may have been able to turn a page and create friendships with those that had previously hurt him, I think forgiving is all I can do. I will try to no longer hold hostility in my heart for them- because honestly, it's exhausting.

And I do it for me. Because- their words shouldn't define my self worth.

Filming for TV

2011-11-21T05:22:00.000-08:00

I entered a video competition because there was nothing to lose really and so much to gain. The winner got a 12 week intensive film-making course at the New York Film Academy which costs something crazy like 15k a semester.

I didn't win, but one of the TV stations got in touch with a few of the contestants and asked if they could use the videos for national day. I was one of those contacted.

I agreed to the idea of re-shooting the video. However after about 2 weeks of absolutely nothing happening besides me being sent to different entities responsible for handing out film permits- and them telling me it would cost 500 Dirhams or that it would take a week for processing (neither of which sounded good to me), I was getting fed up.

In the end, they threw out my old footage due to quality (understandable), and then used the footage they had in their library. They only re-shot the office segment and a new segment of Kiwi on the beach (that was disorganized as well)...and whilst editing they had wanted to replace the music ( I disagreed) and then get rid of the voice over.

At that point I just got really annoyed. What was left of my video really? I ended up getting all red in the face and teary eyed, as you do when you're frustrated eh? And after I had a little verbal sparring match with the man in charge, I got to keep the voice over.

I can't say that this has been the most positive of experiences for me, but at the same time- it was a good opportunity, and good opportunities are rare.

Everything is a learning experience.

9 crimes

2011-11-16T10:31:00.000-08:00

I have a feeling I've already posted this. But it's a beautiful song so there's no harm re-posting.

What beautiful music this duo created. Sadly I hear they no longer work together.

What are you listening to these days?

I got to see Britney, Incubus, and Paul McCartney.

2011-11-15T01:12:00.000-08:00

It was a dream come true seeing Incubus perform. I was the crazy fangirl that was screaming a BANSHEE scream the whole night. I've loved the band since I was 13 and to be finally able to see them- it was amazing!

I only wish that Brandon was more personable with the crowd. I mean, without your fans, you're nothing! It wasn't just him that didn't say much, Britney Spears basically did the whole "What's up *insert whatever city you're in at this moment here*" thing.

I should explain why I got to see these acts!

It was Formula 1 weekend here and Britney Spears, The Cult, Incubus and Sir Paul McCartney (YES~ I saw one of the legendary BEATLES perform!) were all invited to perform.

The only concert I had really been to prior to this was Outlandish- they were good- but it wasn't that big of a show.

But this was such an awesome experience, and I made sure to take it all in because you never know if you'll ever get the chance to see stuff like this again.

The best show by FAR was Paul McCartney's. He's much older than the others that performed but HOLY CRAP does he have more ENERGY!!!

He used pyrotechnics and fireworks in the middle of his show-- come on, who does that? Who gives 3 encores, 6 songs total?! He had the audience sing "All we are saaayiiiing, is give peace a chance" and it was BEAUTIFUL. We also got to sing "Obla di oblla da life goes on brahhhh" and "Na na na na na na naaa nana naa naaaa HEyyy Juuuude"

He was so cute I wanted to cuddle him haha.

I also got to attend a few concerts at Beats On the Beach (Wyclef Jean- I touched his butt when he was crowd surfing!, Fatboy Slim and some K-pop bands) but the sucky thing about these concerts are that they are free and the sleaziest low-life, scum bags attend and perve over girls like they've never seen any before.

Anyway- it was a whirlwind of a week and things are slowing down again. But I think it's a good thing, I need to give my eardrums a break from this assault they've been undergoing~

Desert Safari

2011-11-14T00:51:00.000-08:00

SO I was thinking that vlogging could be a cool thing to incorporate onto this blog.

Let me know what you guys think. xx

Improvements.

2011-10-26T03:16:00.000-07:00

Things have slightly been looking up for me. I feel more settled, and I can go out and actually bump into people I know. Meeting people has been the hardest thing for me to do!

No job as of yet- but I've been busy and I find that I'm quite content this way. As long as I'm out of the house, doing things that I like to do- then that's fine with me.

Being an extra in that film was an amazing experience and it helped me get in touch with people in the industry. So every once in a while I get to meet up with them, and we catch up. The other day I met up with a few people from the team and got to tour the studios that they use during live broadcasts! SO cool. Apparently they can build sets in a day or two. Then I got to see the equipment that they used and had a mini lesson in what it's like to be responsible for sound. Did you know that not only do the speakers and mics get tested, but the sound-man's EARS as well?

Prior to this, I volunteered at the film festival. I got to see just how much effort is put in to make something like this work. The staff at this event worked all day every day for 10 days straight...insane. OH! I got to walk the red carpet one day which was cool, and gave a celebrity the CREEPIEST smile ever. I don't know why I'm like that...I just go into creep-mode when I'm star-struck.

And besides that, remember that video I made for that competition? I didn't win, but a television station has decided to re-shoot 10 of those videos (mine included) and AIR IT ON TV!!!

What else? OH, I wrote a short film script and applied for funding. I really don't have high-hopes but it made me happy writing it. And I'm proud of it and the fact that I even attempted it. And you never know what could happen unless you try right?

Wish me luck!

Sallypino's in a film...kind of!

2011-10-11T02:35:00.000-07:00

My life? MADE.

For the past 3 days, my dreams have been coming true. They really, really have. And I'm forever changed!

I'll start with the casting call.

I'm a part of an online community for creative people. There's inspiration, articles and occasionally-- a casting call to be a part of a project.

I just happened to stumble across a casting call for extras in a short film.

I applied and late one night got a call asking me to show up at a mall the next day to start shooting. I DIED a million times over. I wasn't really expecting a call back!

So the next day I got on set and met the GREATEST team. They were all so adorable and kind- and so very good at what they did. I volunteered to help out anywhere they needed me until I'd have to be an extra, so I hung up and ironed some clothes at first and then was asked to step out because they were about to film a scene.

I was the extra that stepped onto the escalator after the main actress. So Sallypino here got a little bit of screen time! Haha. After that, I was an extra that shopped in the supermarket.

During the breaks however, the sound engineer of the film spoke to me and asked about my background. When I had replied with 'broadcasting'- he sort of took me under his wing and told me to help out with logging the audio and even recording ambient sounds! I couldn't believe they were letting me help out! So I did, and I tried to learn as much as I could because I knew that the experience wasn't going to last forever. Could you imagine my excitement when I heard that I was invited to join them for the shoot the next day? Not as an extra, but as someone job-shadowing?

Yes. I died a million times all over again! Completely floored by the generosity they were showing me.

So the next day I showed up at their offices, had some breakfast and joined the rest of the team as they shot on location. It was then that they found out I was half-Egyptian and started to really talk to me. It was such a refreshing feeling--after the time that I have spent idle at home, to be around people my age that were passionate about the same things I am passionate about! Later I was sent to go find a belt we could use to hook the wireless mics up to the talent at Carrefour. And I didn't really mind at all. I wanted to help out in whatever way I could! And to be completely honest, I think it was the fact that I did these tasks and even tasks that were not asked of me,with no complaints, that the team was left with an overall good impression of me. I appeared enthusiastic because I was!

That day, we moved to a second location. It was at that second location that I got to help with hooking up the wireless mics to the female talent. Sometimes these mics will have to be taped to skin or even undergarments- and as we are in the Gulf, a male doing this to female talent would make them very uncomfortable. So I helped with that as well.

I had to leave early because I had to attend an orientation meeting for those volunteering at the film festival but I really *really* wanted to join them the next day...I mean, they were going to film in the desert and set up an explosion! How could anyone NOT want to be a part of that?

At first, I was under the impression that they wouldn't let me join because I wasn't a part of the team, or insured. And the sound engineer was worried that something would happen to me and didn't want to be responsible-which I completely understand. I mean, this is the desert in the UAE, heat exhaustion/heat stroke is not unheard of. Thank God though, he allowed me to in the end because he "didn't want to be the guy [I] hated for the rest of [my] life." (for preventing me from experiencing it)

And OH MY GOD was it an awesome experience!

We went in a convoy to the middle of nowhere at 8:30 in the morning and left at about 9:30 at night. It was sweltering hot, with little shade to speak of. No trees, no buildings, just a few parasols for something like 60 people? Not enough! But I wanted to rough it out just like everyone else and it was the most rewarding experience of my life. I learned so much, and met such great, encouraging people that I am forever indebted to for setting my imagination and motivation alight again!

I witnessed an explosion and a runaway camel. I witnessed the magic that happens off-camera, and all the work that's necessary to make something successful. I saw how difficult it really is when you work with animals on a shoot. It was such a great way to learn and I'm more determined than ever to make this my career. It's hard work, but it's work that would make me happy.

Fashion Show!

2011-09-24T01:47:00.000-07:00

So! I didn't win the video competition *heart breaks*, but I attended the awarding ceremony and got to rub elbows with some important people in the entertainment industry. I think this was the first time since I got here 4 months ago that *I* took US out. It was an event for the competition I entered. So I guess that's a baby step to getting settled here right?

OH did I mention that someone from the ceremony wanted Kiwi to act in a film for him? HEHEHEHE. We both started giggling because I had told him it would happen earlier!

Anyway...I've been a bit "busy" lately, and by that I mean I actually had stuff to do besides sit at home and refresh the job-search websites.

Yeys. Last night, for example, I got to attend my first ever fashion show!

It was a LOT better than I was expecting. I imagined a cat walk. Not a proper stage and a SHOW. I mean there were pyrotechnics and different angles of the models strutting their stuff projected onto a massive screen.

Guitars, crazy hair, a man in a skirt. You heard me! A man in a skirt! Who, by the way, was received with a roar from the crowd.

Here are a few shots from the night.

Glad I got to experience it with my hubby :)

Am I naive?

2011-09-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

You tell me. I want brutal honesty here. I don't want to hear what you think I want to hear- just the truth in your opinion.

Am I naive to think that I can get ahead in life by being a good person? By working hard, by trying my hardest and by being an honest person?

I refuse to get a job that will be handed to me through connections. I don't want anything handed to me! Not money, not a job, not anything that I don't deserve. Nothing that I didn't earn.

But lately- to tell you the truth, I wonder if to think this way is foolish of me. I also wonder if I I've got to adopt the traits I despise in order to achieve anything.

I worked hard towards the end of university. I went to class to learn- and I joined a student organization to gain skills to improve myself. But then it was time for graduation. And it wasn't me that got employed, it was everyone who seriously acted like they didn't give a fuck about anything back in university. The ones that showed up late, never took notes then took them off of someone else right before a exam.

The ones who, when called upon by a professor to answer a question, would say something so completely stupid you would think to yourself "How the HELL did you even get into this class?!"

They were the people with the connections. Maybe they just didn't care because they didn't have to care- Maybe they knew damn well that they wouldn't have to work for one damn thing in their lives.

Yes. This is a rant. This is a rant coming from a girl who honestly has been trying for over a year and a half to get employed and has failed to do so. What is wrong with me? Someone tell me.

Is it naivety? Do I just have to accept that I will never be able to work in the field that I want to and settle for something else just to get me out of the house?

Am I not trying hard enough? Am I not patient enough?

I just need to know.

Show me some love :)

2011-09-08T01:18:00.000-07:00

I entered a video competition and I'd love your support. The winner gets to go to the NY Film academy for an intensive film-making course.

I have no tripod, my camera sucks. But I figured I'd give it a shot anyway.

You can vote for my video here if you likey! Just scroll down on the page and hit the VOTE button :)

Show me and the Kiwi some love, it's his first time acting :D

Letter to a dictator.

2011-08-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

I do not feel an ounce of sympathy as you lay there picking your nose, on a stretcher with your dyed hair. You, a dictator, a murderer, a soul-less monster are undergoing a civil trial while countless others who risked their lives in revolt against you have gone and are still going through military trials.

Are you proud? Your sons are in a cage with you facing years in prison. A family of crooks. You have raped the country and its people of its wealth for years. You have raped its people of their dreams and aspirations.

You are facing charges, charges that were to have taken place within 18 days. What about the 30 years?

You murdered those martyrs. But how many millions have died as a result of you during your rule? How many have been abducted and tortured by your thugs, never to be heard from again? How many have died in your ill-equipped public hospitals while you travel to Germany for your healthcare? How many have died in ambulances on their way to hospitals because of this country’s infrastructure? How many of those ambulances were stuck in the roads while you and your ministers stopped traffic for hours so you could pass by?

How many?

How many people are living under the poverty line because of you?

How many can read and write?

What do you care, right? As long as you can stash away more money.

How dare you lie there begging for sympathy that you did not show to your own people!

You are not invincible. You are not strong. You are not a hero. You are pathetic.

Just an old man who sold your soul for wealth that you will enjoy no longer. A man so loathed, people gave up their lives to get rid of you.

Your name and photo has already been stripped from all public places. Soon, you will only be a distant memory of worse times.

We will prosper without you. We will have justice.

May God give you what you deserve.

Curse of Sallypino

2011-07-19T03:48:00.000-07:00

Fire: 1
Sallypino:1
Ok fire. We're now tied.

2 weekends ago, I was at my in-laws when Karim's sister gave me some heavenly brownies that she had made herself. They were divine. Eyes-rolling-into-the-back-of-my-head kind of divine.

Anyway, we decided that I would help her bake a new batch the next time I came over. I laughed and said "Ha, watch me burn your house down." She laughed as well and said that they were really easy to make and that I shouldn't worry.

So this past weekend rolled around, and I got my baking skills on. Eggs, butter, 2 cup fulls of sugar, cocoa powder, milk and whatever else the recipe called for all went into a big bowl ready to be mixed by yours truly. I gave up mixing after about 5 minutes because my pathetic arm got tired of holding up the mixer (yes, THAT is how bad I need to exercise) and so she finished it up. We popped the mixture into a pan, then into the oven, et viola!

I thought "Hey! That really was easy!" So off I went to the bathroom, patting myself on the back. "Something I can show off to mom when they're done baking!".

Once out of the bathroom, I noticed the house was a bit too empty for my liking. "Where did everyone go?", I wondered. The TV was still on, but the couches were empty. Weird.

I smelled something a bit like brownies so I thought I'd check on my delicious, chocolaty treats. In I walk to the room where the toaster oven was, only for my lungs to be greeted with thick smoke. Everyone it seemed, had gathered around the toaster oven and the black brick that were my brownies on the table.

*sigh*

STORY OF MY LIFE

I couldn't help laughing right then and there. As they all fanned the smoke out of the now opened window in the room, saying "It's OK Sally! It's ok, it's not your fault!"

I laughed and thought "This is just too funny, it's like a scene out of a movie or something".

We attempted to salvage the brownies by covering them in ice cream and as we all spooned what was likely the toxic brownie-ice cream mixture into our mouths I knew they were all quietly thinking, "Damn, she really wasn't kidding when she said she was a disaster in the kitchen."

Haha, so, who wants to come over for lunch? I'm cooking!

4 stages of marriage and HP7

2011-07-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

The other day I was out with my husband's family when my father-in- law decided to fill me in on his theory about the 4 stages of marriage.

The 4 stages as I remember them were:

The peacock: When everything's great and new. Life is beautiful and nothing could be any better.

The lion: When the hubby is all about being strong and protective.

The donkey: When the husband's main role is to carry things. He'll carry the shopping bags, carry your purse, go pick things up for the wife on his way back from work.

The sack: The last and final stage of marriage. When the hubby basically just sits there and is told to move whenever he's in the way.

He explained this to me as he sat in a chair in the middle of a clothing store with shopping bags scattered everywhere around him. Then he grinned widely and chuckled, "As you can see, I am still in the third stage."

If you're married and reading this, post a comment letting me know how much truth you think there is to this. I'd like to know!

So far, I admit my marriage seems to fit phase 1 quite well alhamdallah. I just hope it stays like this for a while! We spend the weekends together doing things I haven't done in ages. And I know to some this might sound quite boring- but we're not the partying type of people, so going to the beach, ice skating (attempting to anyway), renting bikes and cycling on the cornish at night, watching the last Harry Potter movie together (*sings "I'm so hollow baby, I'm so, I'm so, I'm SO HOLLOW"* Did anyone else want to bust out crying after the movie?!)* -- those are type of activities I truly cherish and think will make for great memories.

I want to end up like those old couples I see at cafes that actually still talk to each other and hold hands :)

Anyway, I leave you with this video that summarizes my feelings about Harry Potter ending. Be warned though, there's a lot of cursing:

Quick update and summer essentials

2011-07-12T00:44:00.000-07:00

-Welcome moi, the UAE's newest resident! Ok- so I'm probably not the newest anymore ( I got it yesterday), but I'm excited!

- The UAE has really grown on me quickly. People here are really friendly for the most part, and many Emirati men are courteous and respectful. They step aside and let you pass, or move their chair even if they're not in your way. Oh, and have I mentioned that there isn't a lot of staring here? Well, not from the nationals anyway. *fist pumps* It's a good feeling!

-Shopping. Shopping. Shopping. It's amazing here!

-The beach is literally a few minutes away from where I live. And if you know me, you'll know that I should have been born a fish or something. I LOVE the beach, I just haven't been allowed to swim for ages. (long story). Bad side to this is that I now look like a different person. You see, I don't tan, I just go brown...and when you think I can't get any darker, I go darker. But NOTHING on my body matches.

- I WON something at a mall. Ok, ok. Karim did. But, we have never been the luckiest people so THIS got us ecstatic. We didn't get the car (next time!) but we did get a free meal for two and a Kipling bag :D Not bad,eh?

Last thing, I promise-- I found my dream job. I will apply to it today and inshallah I'll get a call or something. Send good vibes, and thoughts my way please!

OK and now on to my summer essentials!

Nayomi body lotion (lovely for those that don't prefer fruity scents), Aldo sunnies, Guess Seductive perfume, my Blackberry (I just got my phoneline!), Labello chapstick for the sun (leaves a white tint but I cover it up), Bourjois bronzer in 14, MAC blush in Melba, Rimmel lipstick in Birthday Suit, Dior plumping lip gloss in 256, Purple sarong from BHS (obviously only for the beach), and a leopard print tote!

I hope all is well for you guys! xx

Speech, voice and drunken monkeys.

2011-06-27T00:15:00.000-07:00

It's funny how sometimes there is absolutely nothing holding you back except yourself.

At university I took this course for speech and voice. It was one of the best courses I've ever taken in my life. And not simply because I felt like my voice did improve since, but also because it taught me a lot about myself in the most real way.

My professor was known to be a bit hmmm shall we say ~~scary~~ different. And she really was. The way the course was taught was different. You'd think we would read scripts over and over in that sort of class. But to be honest, most of the time we were dressed in loose clothes, lying on the ground or shouting like cave men. I'm not even kidding.

My professor would literally come up to you and say "oooga booga wraaar, napaha?" And you would have to respond in a similar fashion. You might be wondering how an exercise like this would improve speech and voice, but you'll have to trust me when I say it really did.

I learned that it's not about what you say, it's more about how you deliver it. And it really is true. Someone could be talking complete crap but if they say it convincingly, it sounds a lot less like crap.

That class also taught me to just really let go. I mean, talking like a caveman in front of your peers and taking it seriously is hella embarrassing. There were loads of exercises that would make us look crazy or rabid, but after a while we had all dropped our guards. There was no more giggling or looking nervously around at others. And our voices got so much louder, caveman-speak never sounded so good!

I learned that if you feel small, you sound small.

You also look small. What I mean by that is that your body, due to your insecurities, echoes your feelings. You'll find your shoulders tense and by your ears. Your back curved making you hunch over. You'll probably have nervous ticks whenever you talk. For me, I found that anytime I would answer a question in class I would kick my feet out or smile constantly. And if I was ever sitting alone, I would never be able to sit still, I'd have to look at my nails, play with my phone or twirl my hair. I was not ok with being by myself. My voice sounded childlike because I was not owning what I was saying, and felt as though it was wrong or stupid to say what I had to say.

I also learned to be conscious of my thoughts. In the text we would read to accompany our exercises, the negative thoughts we hear in our heads about ourselves came from what was referred to as "drunken monkeys". I thought it was funny when I read that, but I really became aware of just how much you/drunken monkeys can beat yourself up. You are your harshest critic. It's unfair. And it's debilitating. When you consciously stop those thoughts when you think them and instead think something like "what do you drunken monkeys know anyway?" it gives those thoughts less of a chance to really affect you.

By the end of that semester I was a changed person. My walk had changed, I smiled only when I actually wanted to smile, and my voice? It was lower in tone, and I no longer sounded the same when I was happy,sad or angry. I was more confident and more importantly I didn't hold myself back.

It was that class, and that professor that motivated me to apply for the scholarship.

I think I wrote this post as a reminder to myself that I can be my own worst enemy sometimes. And all these negative thoughts I have stem from insecurity and not reality. It's also a reminder that great, GREAT things can happen if I just go for it! And I have to believe it.

Sending you all good vibes, today will be a good day :)

Brief update

2011-06-07T04:54:00.000-07:00

Married life doesn't feel too different. This country though, it's going to take some getting used to. It's so shiny and pretty with its fancy malls.The air is cleaner, but more humid. My hair does not like humidity. People in niqaab walk next to girls wearing hoodies and a pair of spanx (really spanx-clad girl? Really?)

It's nice here- but a little lonely. I know I'll be happier once I get a job and get out of the house more.

In the meantime, I occupy myself by trying to be housewife-y. I'm not too bad, I just can not cook for the life of me. I nearly chopped my thumb off while trying to cut an onion and then proceeded to cry like a baby because I felt like a failure.

I did make fried chicken yesterday though. Oh yeah. 1 point for Sallypino. 0 points FIRE.

I'm going to attempt to fry Dilis today. Mwahahaha. I'll update you all as to how Karim takes it.

It's MRS. Sallypino, thank you very much!

2011-05-31T04:27:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up and felt like I was home. I'm not in my room in Cairo anymore, no, now I live in the UAE with my husband :)

It's so weird to call him that, I still have to get used to it. But yes, I'm married. I'm finally married! Followers of my blog (if any of you still do read it, I know I've been absent a while) know just how long and difficult the road to marriage was for us. It seemed like it wasn't meant to happen as every step we took towards getting married was accompanied by something else falling through and often, we'd find ourselves 2 steps behind.

I had posted about most of these events before I realized it no longer was helping me to vent my frustrations. My blog began to be a reminder of all the disappointments and so when Kiwi or Karim, finally got a job and wedding preparations began, I kept mum about it for fear of something falling through again.

But here I am posting again, a married woman for hmmm what is it? 2 weeks I think.

Karim had been abroad for 3 months working, and I was thoroughly depressed and suffered a few nervous breakdowns. Let me tell you, that the year and 3 months I was engaged for was the darkest period of my life. It hurts me to say that, but it's true. And it was not because of Karim, but because of my depression which I have come to realize is something I need to take seriously and seek advice for. Needless to say, the month or so prior to the wedding were not so pleasant either.

I kept telling myself I wanted to fast forward life, and skip the wedding all together! I didn't want a large wedding, or so many people attending, I had so much anxiety, I found myself waking up in the hours of 4-6am every morning. Add to that the hassle of altering a dress, buying a veil in Egypt (someone tried to sell me scrap material worth less than LE 50, for LE800), finding a good make-up artist (Egyptian girls, you'll know what I mean), finding wedding shoes and trying not to feel bad about the really expensive shoes Karim sent over that were a size too small and fixing the photoclip created by a company who I believe was in cahoots with the DEVIL because of all the problems they caused me.

And of course, I hardly spoke to Karim because he was busy with work and organizing the house and furniture for us here in the UAE.

Point is, it was not a pleasant time. But then the weekend finally came.

Friday the 13'th was my Katb el Kitaab, and allllll the anxiety just melted away. I felt it slip away too, I remember the moment. I stood there as everyone gathered at my house, and I realized that they were there to celebrate my union with Karim. My best friend! I remember thinking, I should damn well celebrate it too! And I did, I was calm and relaxed, I signed the contract and people remarked about my good handwriting in Arabic.(hehehe) The ma2zoun performed the ceremony and that was that. Karim was Islamic-ally and officially my husband. It was the best feeling in the world! That night we practiced our first dance for the wedding, my dad didn't allow us to until we were officially married! We didn't do so well, and Karim had to leave early so we could get up early the next day.

The wedding. Did I mention that Karim actually bought me an Alfred Angelo Disney fairy-tale dress?! I had posted a video about the collection, some of you may remember. And I actually got one! It was the Cinderella dress, and I absolutely DID feel like a princess in it.

There were no rehearsals, but the wedding could not have gone smoother than it did. The scariest moment was hearing the Zaffa begin! We were having our photo shoot done when I heard it and I knew the wedding was about to start. I think there was a good minute of absolute terror for me. I think all the blood had drained from my face I was so nervous. But then my father took my arm and led me to the stairs where I saw all my friends and family waiting in the lobby below. I took a deep breath, looked at Karim waiting on the stairs on the other side and I knew everything would be fine.

I honestly enjoyed the night, it was lovely and something I will remember for as long as I live. I wasn't a nervous wreck and the first dance was perfect!

Here are a few photos of the night :)

Sleep Paralysis and strange dreams

2011-03-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been having more and more episodes of sleep paralysis. Basically, when this happens, I'm awake and asleep at the same time. It's difficult to explain but it's as though my body is imprisoning me. I will want to wake up however my body won't let me.

Sometimes the paralysis is accompanied by a constriction of my chest so I have difficulty breathing. Other times, I feel as though there's someone else in the room. And other times I am simply 'stuck' in my body until I can force myself out of it in a sort of "dammit, not again" state.

And as if all of that wasn't sucky enough, lately my dreams have gotten quite bizarre. If you've read my blog before you'll know I have quite vivid, strange dreams on a regular basis however these dreams are different. To be quite honest, I'm not sure if this has to do with sleep paralysis or if it's something completely unrelated to it. But twice now I have believed myself to be awake when in reality it was all a dream. I can not even express how realistic these dreams are because what I see in my dreams are what I would be seeing if I were awake and had my eyes open. That didn't make sense at all did it?

To explain this further, in one dream I opened my eyes to find myself lying on my right side and looking at my wardrobe. I realized however, whilst dreaming, that this could not be possible as I had just switched off the lights in my room and seeing my wardrobe as if it was in daylight could not make sense. When I opened my eyes in real life, I found myself lying on my right side and facing my wardrobe, however I was under the blanket and it really was night time. Dreaming from the perspective I'm lying down in is needless to say TRIPPY. I'm confusing reality with my dreams, and it worries me.

The same thing happened last night, except I had fallen asleep at the foot of my bed facing my window. I dreamed that I woke up facing my window, then got up, walked towards it and bumped into it. When the ornaments hanging on my window didn't make a sound I knew I was dreaming and woke up.

What the hell kind of dream is that anyway? Why am I dreaming about my room?

I'm honestly getting really tired of sleep paralysis and strange dreams that make me question reality, but I don't know how to make them stop. I never really suffered from them before, however in the past 2 months or so these episodes have become much, much more frequent. Maybe 3 times a week- sometimes multiple times a day even.

Maybe someone reading this could provide some advice because I'd really like some.

1700% Project: Mistaken for Muslim

2011-03-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

Situation as I see it

2011-03-13T03:48:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my last post.

The weeks since the ouster of Hosni Mubarak have been confusing and upsetting to say the least. I felt as though the world fell in love with the Egyptian people as they fought on the streets for their rights and dignity. I felt as though they celebrated when Egyptians celebrated. But the excitement of the revolution has worn off for many people-- including Egyptians.

And that is the most heart-breaking/infuriating part.

These past few weeks have highlighted the discord between the Egyptian people. Many no longer support the protesters, claiming that they are harming the country and that they are nothing but drunk, fornicating people with nothing better to do than to annoy everyone else who wants to rebuild the country.

People are scared. Police presence is not what it used to be. I personally can not understand desperately pleading for the police to come back when they were the ones who released prisoners and then abandoned their posts for days leaving everyone to fend for themselves. I don't trust them.

Thugs and armed gangs run around, people are getting kidnapped and a curfew is still in effect. I can understand the fear and wanting the return of some kind of normalcy.

But what I don't understand is the fact that many that complained most about Egypt- the ones who always had something to say about the corruption, the inequality, the pollution, the harassment, the traffic, the education system, the public hospitals-- are the same people saying "Enough! Just go home so we can re-build the country" now.

Real change has not come to Egypt with the ouster of Mubarak. A cosmetic change does not get rid of an agenda. He is gone, people are still being detained and tortured. Civilians are facing military trials. Nothing has been said or done by those in control right now that make me feel at ease about the future of Egypt.

There is so much confusion, nobody knows who to trust and opinions are formed via gut feelings. My gut feeling tells me to trust the revolutionaries over the army to do what is right for the country.

I support the revolution. I will vote no in the referendum regarding the amendments to the constitution because I want a new one. I want real change, and a constitution that has been amended so many times and resulted in the disaster that was the past I don't know how many years is not for me.

I just don't think people gave up their lives for normalcy. I think they wanted freedom and a better future.

Revolution

2011-02-12T02:25:00.000-08:00

Hosny Mubarak stepped down as President of Egypt last night. I still have to pinch myself to believe it.

18 days.

I feel like I've been put in a rapid-wash cycle of emotions. Grief, fear, anxiety, hope, despair, elation. The entire country has.

Mubarak is gone, yes, but the most profound result of this revolution was the change that took place in psychology of the Egyptian people themselves.

We were such an oppressed society. We really were. But fear stopped being a governing force for us on the 25th. Protesters took to the streets day after day literally FIGHTING for our rights. They stood their ground when live ammunition was shot at them. When they choked in tear gas. When thugs threw molotov cocktails,rocks and concrete at them. When men charged into the demonstrations mounted on horses and camels, trampling and beating them. They took it and kept coming back.

They did so being fully aware that they might lose their lives in order to achieve what was achieved yesterday.
Over 300 people ultimately did. People with 60 years ahead of them died because our ex-president with a few years ahead of him (and ruler for 3 decades) did not want to step down! They lost their lives for my freedom and I will never forget it.

I have seen so many incredible images over the course of the revolution that make my heart weep because I feel an overwhelming sense of appreciation for the sacrifices made for me and the rest of the Egyptians. Please take a look at them:

And then I saw images of a different kind. Footage of a young man being shot in cold blood as he was retreating from police having shown them he had no weapons. Footage of an armored police van speeding through a dense crowd as though they were not there at all. Footage of violent thugs being found to have police IDs. Images of fire and destruction. Of blood streaming down the faces of young men and women. Of faces belonging to those who had died fighting for our rights.

My heart ached when I went to Tahrir square to celebrate last night. I was standing where so many lost their lives fighting for my freedom. I wished they were there to witness it, they deserve it more than I do.

These are the people who made the ultimate sacrifice, please keep them in your prayers.
http://1000memories.com/egypt

Day 10 - A picture of your most treasured item

2011-01-23T20:28:00.000-08:00

This baby right here is my life. It's not as pretty as other laptops, nor does it have amazing specs, but this tiny thing contains all my memories from about 7 years ago. All my photos, music, videos, assignments for university are in there- I would be heartbroken without them! It would absolutely be the first thing I would grab during a fire.

Day 7 + Day 8 + Day 9

2011-01-18T22:19:00.000-08:00

Yeah, yeah. I'm cheating. But it's only to spare you all from 3 sappy, mushy posts about the same person.

Day 7- A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with

I think I'm pretty messed up. Kiwi just so happens to be the male version of me.

Day 8 - A picture of your knight

Whenever I think a horse is going to bite me, Kiwi is there. In all seriousness though- there has never been a time when I needed help and he didn't come to my rescue, or at least offer to.

Day 9 - A picture of you and the person who has gotten you through the most

(Reaction to:"You're one in a million, wooaah". I love the song. Kiwi, does not. Totally random photo I realize, but I found it and had to post it.)

Your best friend is usually the person who gets you through all the hard times. I just so happen to be marrying mine.

Day 6 - A picture that makes you laugh

2011-01-17T22:30:00.000-08:00

International day at my university! Instead of enjoying the festivities, I had to do an assignment for my video and editing course. For this photo I was helping a friend out with her assignment-so she filmed me putting on this belt, dancing in it, and taking it off. Yep. That was it! She filmed it from 5 angles --but the whole thing was basically a crotch shot! Oh and the dancing, dear lord the dancing! Luckily some guys were so kind as to point out my epic fail and demonstrate how it should have been done.

Day 5 - A picture of something you love

2011-01-15T18:18:00.000-08:00

OK so this might be cheating because it's a photo of one of my paintings. But I love traveling, and this painting portrays my love of travel more than any other photo could. This was the second piece of a 3 piece project meant to symbolize the whirlwind of my year abroad. Traveling is such an adventure, you see things you never thought you would see, you meet people you would never otherwise meet. And your encounters with these people, though brief, can have a lasting effect on you. I still have images in my head of my travels that I think will be there forever because they're tied to emotions I had when I witnessed and experienced them.

The feeling of wonder when I first saw the snow atop the Alps, meeting and sharing stories with a stranger under the Arc de Triumph, feeling nervous whilst dragging my suitcase on cobblestones my first night in Brussels, and watching hundreds and hundreds of birds take to the sky before sunset in an already magical Florence. These are experiences I truly cherish. I urge all of you to go and explore the world around you! You don't even need to leave the country, just go somewhere new!

On a side note: I know the painting is not the greatest, but you guys, I went into painting 101 not knowing how to paint AT ALL. Funny story: Assignment no.1 was to paint a vegetable with lots of texture. I picked a cucumber. I painted it and it looked like a freaking turd. A TURD.

I was so embarrassed when I had to put it up on the wall for critiquing! It gained infamy in that class though haha, it was so bad it was good :P

Day 4 - A picture of something you'd like to do again

2011-01-12T15:51:00.000-08:00

This is a photo from I think 4 years ago. My best friend and I went on this break together to Sharm El-Sheikh (favorite place in Egypt!) and went on a desert safari. We ventured out into the desert before sunset in a convoy of about 20-30 four-wheelers, like some hardcore desert gang or something, got to have tea at this Bedouin camp of sorts, climb a small mountain, and head back at night. It was amazing. The desert is a beautiful place, and this was an incredible way to experience it. Snowboarding on the Alps would be a close second to this, but my camera was stolen so I have no photos-that and I didn't go with anyone too close to me. Good company is the most important thing to have when you go anywhere, believe me. She moved away not too long after this, so this trip made for some really great memories <3

Day 3 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

2011-01-10T22:45:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a tough one for me because I don't really watch Tv. But since I really have to pick, it'll definitely have to be:

I know some people may not like the show but the kind of humor that it's filled with is what I LIVE FOR! What can I say? Awkward, uncomfortable situations make me laugh! And seriously, I would have no problem going to work everyday if Steve Carell was my boss <3

Day 2- A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

2011-01-09T14:14:00.000-08:00

That would most definitely have to be D (she's on the right, my sister is in the middle, I'm on the left). We met 17 years ago! She's the sweetest, most pure-hearted person I have ever known. She's also a bite-sized super-hero that's always involved in charity work and anything that has to do with saving the WORLD :)

YAY for childhood friendships.

I actually caught up with D last night! She's here visiting as she's studying abroad this year. She gave me the cutest wedding planner and motivational calendar. 2011 will be awesome dammit!

Day 1 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts

2011-01-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

1) I am really ambitious. I want a lot for myself, I just let myself get in my own way a lot of the time.

2) I've wanted to live on my own since I was 13.

3) I. Love. Spontaneity.

4) I love fashion more than it loves me.

5) The amount of time I spend watching beauty tutorials on Youtube is ridiculous. Especially as I don't own any make-up. Not yet anyway :P

6) All my social awkwardness and anxiety disappears once a nice, sincere and friendly person approaches me.

7) I graduated with a Bachelors degree in Broadcast Journalism but the news depresses me so much that I've decided to never pursue a career in that field.

8) I have TERRIBLE memory. I forget when I did something, what day of the week it is, people's names, things I have to do, plots of movies, etc. I worry about old age for that reason.

9) I am insecure about pretty much everything.

10) It surprises me that as the huge, accident-prone person that I am, I've never broken a bone in my body.

11) Independence is the most exhilarating feeling in the world.

12) I wish everyone was less dependent on technology for entertainment, myself included.

13) I can't wait until I'm married and have my own home so I can do the most mundane things with Kiwi like wash dishes, decorate and cook together. It's strange but I really do look forward to those things the most.

14) I'm ~~cheap~~ a bargain hunter. I despise knowing I am being ripped off! But I have no issues splurging on a special occasion, for something of good quality or for someone else (well, that's if I really like you).

15) I really, really, really enjoy food.

30 day challenge

2011-01-07T12:39:00.000-08:00

There's a 30 day challenge floating around on Facebook that I've decided to take on here on my blog instead.

Here it is for any of you that would like to do the same :)

[] Day 1 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts
[] Day 2 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
[] Day 3 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
[] Day 4 - A picture of something you'd like to do again
[] Day 5 - A picture of something you love
[] Day 6 - A picture that makes you laugh
[] Day 7 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with
[] Day 8 - A picture of your knight
[] Day 9 - A picture of you and the person who has gotten you through the most
[] Day 10 - A picture of your most treasured item
[] Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
[] Day 12 - A picture of your favorite memory
[] Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
[] Day 14- A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
[] Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
[] Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
[] Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
[] Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
[] Day 19 - A picture and a letter
[] Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
[] Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
[] Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
[] Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
[] Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
[] Day 25 - A picture of your favourite day
[] Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
[] Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
[] Day 28- A picture of something you're afraid of
[] Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
[] Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

You know you still sing Disney songs!

2011-01-02T14:54:00.000-08:00

You think you own whatever land you land on

The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know every rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name

You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

I spent all of last night singing Disney songs and I'm not ashamed to admit it. There's a special quality to old school Disney that I just can't put my finger on. The music especially resonates with me even when I start to forget the plot of a movie (which happens more often than not, and sometimes as soon as I walk out of the theater!).

In case you're wondering, the first few paragraphs are from the song "Colors of the Wind" from the Pocahontas cartoon. It's an absolutely beautiful song and it's one of my favorites. Number one would have to be the "Part of Your World" (and the reprise) from the Little Mermaid. Ugh when she's singing on that rock? Epiiic!

Bring old school Disney back!

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T18:48:00.000-08:00

Good riddance 2010!

My mom, sister and I once held hands and jumped when it hit 12am hoping that we would get a lot taller that year. Hehe, I don't think it really worked out for my mom, I think she's still barely 5ft :P It's a nice memory though because I was at Disney World at the time which is the happiest place in the world anyway, but Disney World on new years eve is just magical!

We didn't do much this New year's eve, but that's alright.

I didn't come up with any resolutions either but if I could make a wish for 2011, I'd say that the only thing I really want is happiness.

To be content in mind, spirit and body.

It's been a really tough year for me, depression is something that can really tear away at your life and relationships. It's an emotional roller coaster that doesn't stop. And I'm still battling it, but I hope 2011 will be better.

Perhaps it will be the year my life changes completely :)

What do you wish for this year?

I wish for you all joy and health!

xx

WOO! 2011!!!

Like a bridge over troubled water...

2010-12-25T20:00:00.000-08:00

A beautiful rendition of the song "Bridge over troubled water" by Johnny Cash and Fiona Apple.

Merry Christmas everyone :)

Alhamdallah

2010-12-22T18:22:00.000-08:00

Kiwi left to Abu Dhabi yesterday morning, and he took my heart with him.

If you could actually believe this- the job offer he got there fell through. I had to fight back the urge to break down and cry when I found out. It has been a tough year for us as nothing has really been going our way. But instead of crying this time I said Alhamdallah. As difficult as it is to accept it and even though I may not understand His reasoning, I know that it is there and that I have to trust in it.

We quickly made other plans and decided that he would quit the job he's been training at for 5 months here in Cairo, move to Abu Dhabi and try his luck there. Hopefully it goes well. Please keep us in your thoughts, I'd really like to get married this year.

I'm not sure if this is the case with other people, but when he and I got together we ended up getting really dependent on one another. So now that he's gone, it's almost as though I have to re-learn what it is like to spend time alone and in my own company.

I think the best thing we've done to facilitate this adjustment was get ourselves Blackberry phones. We can chat wherever we are without paying for each and every text message And we still feel kind of connected even though he's miles and miles away. :)

I hope you're all well.

I hula.

2010-12-05T17:48:00.000-08:00

I looked like a boy going through puberty when I was 13.

I say this because I was in this class called Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps (JROTC), which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Most of the time I was dressed in my massive green uniform and wore a beret on my head...which you know is soooo not embarrassing at all when you're in high-school. *cries hysterically* I hated it at first but I got to learn a bunch of cool things too like how to march and marksmanship. Totally awesome. People thought I was pretty bad ass because I'd get to shoot air-rifles for class..ha, I was pretty good at it too!

I don't really remember why I signed up for the class, I think it was because some people showed up at my middle school with pamphlets about JROTC and I thought "Coooool, they get to dress in fatigues, do the whole obstacle course thing and hang on ropes!!! Awesomesauce". I don't know man! It sounded a lot more appealing to me than theater. It was fun to be honest. I was the youngest one in our battalion and everyone babied me. Plus it was a nice feeling being part of a group, even though the rest of the high school called us all "pickles".

I also signed up for Raiders which was a team that JROTC put together. It was ALL about survival, running, doing push ups and yep...hanging on ropes. It was seriously a lot of fun but required a shit load of physical effort as well.

It really taught me how to be tough because I was one of only 2 girls on the team and I never wanted to let my team down. The fact that I also had people from the army yelling at me and ready to give me push ups if I was the last to finish an exercise didn't help either. Oh oh, I actually ended up in an ambulance because I pushed myself too hard during a race once. It was fun haha- I had never been in an army ambulance before.

So yeah- at the time, I had really toned arms and legs. I had abs! I was so much more physically fit than I am now and I'd really love to get back to that! Of course I don't want to look like a boy going through puberty ( ha been theeere already!), but I'd like to be fit!

It's difficult to do that here in Egypt. I mean I don't even want to think about the amount of attention a girl running in the streets would bring. I can totally picture all the men in the street running after her with their tongues wagging. Biking is also something looked down upon for a girl here. I mean seriously?! What is it, because she's straddling something? Come on. I don't own a bathing suit because I haven't been allowed to go swimming in ages. Anddd any other sports would require me going to the sporting club which is in the city and at least 2 hours away. Waa.

SO. And I hope you don't laugh at me, but *breathes* I've decided to get fit by learning how to hula dance with a girl named Kili.

Ok ok fine!! You can laugh! Kili really is her name. Hehe- kili kili!

She's this instructor person for this series of videos called "Island Girls" I believe. I found the videos on Youtube, so in the comfort of my own room (mostly so no one in my family laughs at me when they witness what I have succumbed to) I hula dance.

It's tough too! Not tough like hanging on ropes. But it's a workout! And hey, this Kili girl is RIPPED. She looks like she's got Abs of STEEL.

And besides...if I do end up going to Hawaii for my honeymoon, I'll fit right in!

Wedding preparations

2010-11-27T19:36:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I picked up the dusty wedding magazines that I abandoned on a chair after the wedding fair. Kiwi's possible new job means we might be able to get married in April! We started visiting possible venues today which was such a strange, strange feeling.

I don't think it has hit me yet. I think it'll hit me the night before the actual celebration...or possibly DURING the celebration. "AHHHAHAHA I'm getting married!!!"

Thankfully Egyptian traditions dictate that the groom's family is responsible for the wedding. I understand that to mean that they are financially responsible but I also use it as my excuse to not have to plan anything and sort of uhm...just show up. I'm serious. I'm not one of those "bride-zillas" that you see on TV by any means. I honestly would absolutely love to just show up in a pretty princess-y dress, say "Sup homies", eat some food, not die of social anxiety and leave.

That being said, there are some things I should be doing:

Numero uno. Getting rid of my huge-debilitating-fear-of-social-situations.

During my engagement I walked around with my face paralyzed in this scary wide-eyed, deer in the headlights look along with an ear to ear grin. No joke. It was entirely too much attention for me to handle and I think my sweat glands totally overcompensated for my lack of vocal chords that night because it was FEBRUARY and I was waving my hands in front of my face frantically in my attempt to cool myself down (cause you know how that really works right).

So yes...Engagement? 30 people. Wedding? 200.

*dies*

Numero dos. Getting rid of my excess arm fat so I don't fly away during my wedding if I flap my arms. (not that I ever do that. ehem. ehem)

I have chicken wing arms. Stupid under-arm fat! I hate you!!! I should probably exercise...but I get too tired to exercise! Gahhh I wish being sexehhh required less effort. OH have you ever seen that belt on TV that you strap onto yourself? It basically forces your muscles to twitch and supposedly gives you rock hard abs if you use it. It's complete garbage of course but how amazing would that be if that stuff actually worked? I'd totally use it in my sleep and wake up looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger (sp?). Well ok. like the girl version of Arnie. With a little less muscle. Ok a lot less muscle. Ok so maybe not like Arnie at all but you get the point!

Numero tres. Finding a gown that makes me feel like a Disney princess.

I have to find a wedding dress! I have absolutely no idea what I'm looking for I just know that I'll know which dress is THE dress when I see it. Disney actually has a line of wedding dresses inspired by the numerous princesses from the stories by the way. And they're actually LOVELY! The snow white dress is my favorite, but of course my Dad wants to make sure my dress isn't too revealing, so that dress is out of the question. Anyway, video of the dresses below:

Numero quatro. Finding the perfect spot for our honeymoon.

As much as I love Florence, Italy (favorite city in the whole freakin world) I don't think that I would want to honeymoon there. Nowhere in Europe at all actually. I'd prefer going somewhere like Hawaii (yes, cliche I know, but I don't care!). Thailand, the Maldives, Mauritius and Seychelles are also options but I don't know...Hawaii sounds the best to me. I was there when I was younger and even back then I just thought it was beautiful...there were hoola girls! And pretty flowers. And a man who let a giant parrot sit on my arm for a bit. And people diving off rocks. And hammocks on the beach. It was so prettttyyy!!!

Ideas/tips for any of the above would be good!

Meet Kiwi

2010-11-21T03:10:00.000-08:00

If you've been following my blog, you'll know that Kiwi is my fiance. I always meant to formally introduce him but never really got around to it.

So, meet Kiwi!

Kiwi crawls and poses in dark smelly places just so that I can practice my photography haha. <3

We met about 5 years ago during our first week of university. It wasn't his smile, or his charm or his eyes that caught my attention. No, no. None of that love at first sight crap. To be quite frank, what caught my attention were his pants. His pants were the baggiest pants I had ever seen in my life! And I thought it was hilarious. I figured he must have been some kind of wannabe badboy rapper. And I'm sure he must have thought I was some kind of geek because I had both glasses and braces on I believe. And frizzy hair. And a terrible sense of fashion too.

Point is, first impressions are lame!

We talked and got along and I think started to like each other not too long afterwards, it's just that neither of us said anything for YEARS. Fast forward to our senior year, we finally confess and get together. And I'm glad we did!

We got to graduate as a couple.

And then get engaged.

And climb a mountain together.

And hopefully, within the next 6 months- get married and start our life somewhere new together!

I always told myself that I would get married at 30. But as it came time for graduation I realized that everyone would be parting ways soon and that I should probably hold onto Kiwi since I would probably never find anyone that "got" me as much as he did.

Plus, he lets me play with his face :)

Money can't buy you class.

2010-11-18T13:12:00.000-08:00

I don't care how big your house is, or how nice your car is, or how much money you've got stashed away in your bank account-- if you don't have class then you have nothing.

I unfortunately had to meet a couple that I completely despise a few hours ago. We were visiting someone and this couple happened to be visiting as well. After a while they said "Oh, why don't you come over to our house for a bit, we're just down the road?" It was a strange and awkward request in my opinion, but apparently they had a plant they wanted to give my mom from the Philippines. Anyway...

Mistake 1: Do not steal the guests of your neighbor, especially if you are a guest of hers as well (my family was complicit unfortunately).

Upon entering their gate, they proceeded to take us around their villa pointing out the numerous extravagant things that they own. "Oh this and this we got in Austria, this photo I took here, look at my sauna, look at all the animals, come look at this collage of my daughter! Look at all the important people she's met! ISN'T SHE GREAAAT!!!" Yadda, yadda, can I go home now?

Mistake 2: Who are you again? Why do you feel this urge to flaunt your possessions to complete strangers? And WHY do you have 2 cats locked up in a tiny cage at the back of your house?!

Then, as we were leaving, the guy who owned the house told the Kiwi he knew someone that knows his mother (my mama-in-law). He then joked that he should talk to Kiwi about her 3 daughters since that's probably what he's interested in....har har har.... When the Kiwi pointed at me in a motion of "dude-- 3EIB how the hell can you say that? And in front of my fiancee?!", the guy laughs and says "Oh, she doesn't understand Arabic anyway."

Mistake 3: Being a stupid IDIOT lacking in decency, manners and CLASS.

It's really great that you have money and all, really! Good for you. I don't hate on people who have money. That being said, I really can not tolerate people who feel like they need to show off to complete strangers. It really is an indication of some sort of underlying personality issue. Perhaps they have an inferiority complex and think that by flaunting what they own, it will compensate for this inferiority?

I really don't know. All I can say is that I have met people with a whole lot less than what these people have and they were some of the classiest, most gracious and kindest people I've ever known.

Your possessions are no mask for who you really are. Whether you're a great person, or a horrible person- it will always be evident and shine through.

Happy Eid!

2010-11-16T04:25:00.000-08:00

La7me, la7me, la7me!

Have you heard of the la7me song? If you haven't yet- you should look it up. It's funny, it's also appropriate because it's EID! (well-- kind of, be warned, there's a bit of cursing at the end that just ruins it)

HAPPY EID everyone, I hope you all have a fantastic, blessed one with lots of la7me to go around ;)

LA7ME!!!

Harry Potter Movie Marathoooon!

2010-11-10T14:34:00.000-08:00

Woo! I just got done watching the last movie!

I know, I know, I'm a little- ok, ok UBER late to hop onto the I-heart-harry-potter bandwagon but oohhh lordy how I heart Harry Potter!!!

You see, I dismissed it way back then because I decided I was too cool for silly books and movies about wizards and spells and what not. But I've completely changed my mind. Wizards and spells are just about the coolest things...EVAR >_<

I decided to get myself acquainted with the series seeing as how ~~I'm unemployed~~ a new movie is coming out and I decided it looked pretty epic and a lot cooler than everything else being released here- so the Kiwi kindly brought all of the Harry Potter movies over so we could watch them in order.

I fear that I have been paying more attention to the movies than to my fiancé over the course of the marathon, but I couldn't help it!

I'm completely obsessed. I wave my hand around like I have a wand of my own. I promise I'm not crazy. Or am I?! Is this how the twilight fans feel?!?! I totally would be one of the crazy teeny-boppers you see with all the twilight paraphernalia on. Except I would have Harry on my t-shirt instead of Edward, because wizards totally pwn vampires.

Ehem.

I've crossed the line haven't I?

*backs away slowly*

I'm done. I'm done. Totally leaving now so you don't think I've completely lost it.

Yeeees.

Ok done.

Bai!

2 things

2010-11-10T07:17:00.000-08:00

It's been ages since my last post- work sort of just started taking over my life and I had absolutely no time for myself.

It's actually one of the reasons I decided to quit. Yes *inhales deeply* I quit my job.

2 months into it, it just didn't work out. I spent a long time in university studying broadcasting- which is something pretty technical. I learned about cameras, audio mixers, video editing etc. And I left all of that! I didn't want to pursue journalism, and the film industry wasn't an option for me because ohhh how do I explain it without offending anyone? I don't know, I've just heard that it isn't the most "decent" industry here in Egypt from a number of different sources.

So I applied to an advertising agency thinking it was still in the field of media. Now the work itself was alright, the tasks I could manage- but it was all basically just paper work. Nothing technical about it at all. It was the nature of the advertising industry itself that just was insane to me. I felt like I was constantly working. I would be up at 12am next to my laptop and phone waiting for someone to send me something (only to have it be WRONG). I would work long hours and on weekends. I would have DREAMS of work! (I swear I dreamed the Kiwi was being arrested but the cops said that they would spare him jail-time if he worked for a certain client that I DESPISED).

It was all too much!

Not to mention the fact that my boss had a temper. And I'm sorry, but I am not so desperately in need of money that I would purposefully subject myself to someone yelling at me like that (alhamdAllah). I understand criticism- constructive criticism is absolutely fine with me but under no circumstances do I feel it is OK to publicly chastise someone in the office. Especially if they are still in the process of learning.

There was a condescending nature to the relationship between employer and employee and my ex-boss can call me a quitter as much as he would like, but I know that I still have my dignity intact and that I gave it my all.

Anyway- the second important change in my life is this:

KIWI got a job offer in the UAE and might be leaving at the end of the month. We're still trying to figure out if the offer he got is going to be enough to sustain us-- I'm just honestly so tired of being here, I would be absolutely fine roughing it if I had to.

I just can't deal with feeling like my life is on hold for much longer.

People from my university have graduated and pursued higher education abroad or even here, or are getting further in their careers by having worked at least a year. And I'm just sitting here- doing absolutely nothing except sitting in my room, staring at the ceiling and wondering when things are going to start going my way.

This year has really taken it's toll on me- I feel like I need to get out of here before I burst.

If you have a Filipino mama...

2010-10-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

then the beginning of this video will crack you up:

Managing

2010-09-26T13:57:00.000-07:00

I've just started my third week at work!

I'm honestly still not used to this whole 9-5 thing, well my company prefers 10-6. But REALLY, it's more like 11- whenever the eff you're done with your work.

"We have sleeping bags here", said my boss.

"Ha ha, dear God nooooooooooooooooooo," said I...in my head anyway.

But so far I've been doing good. At times I feel like they're throwing me in the deep end and seeing how long I can stay afloat. But I'm managing!

I have to deal with a few co-workers that don't speak English that well, and so far it doesn't seem like too big of an obstacle. I speak in broken Arabic, they speak in their broken English, we try not to judge each other and then we get the job done.

And while there are days like today when I sit in my chair being busy with trying to LOOK busy (no seriously, I had nothing to do since 11:18 am) there are other days I feel really productive. I get home exhausted, but it's the good kind of exhausted :)

It is amazing what you can do if you just stop getting in the way of yourself.

I am always the first person to criticize myself or put myself down. And it's the most debilitating thing really. Sometimes I start to feel stressed thinking I'm not cut out for this job but I tell myself to shut up, I do what I have to do anyway, and I do it as best as I can.

And then here I am in my 3rd week having done a whole list of things I never thought I could. I attended a meeting in Arabic with a client and was responsible for writing the contact report (meeting minutes) for it and I managed! I was so proud of myself :)

I have a feeling this post is seriously messed up as I am running on less sleep than it takes for me to function properly.

I'm off, but I'm wishing you all a great week ahead of you!

Give me one reason to stay here

2010-09-18T04:00:00.000-07:00

Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around

Said I don't want leave you lonely

You got to make me change my mind

Baby I got your number and I know that you got mine

But you know that I called you, I called too many times

You can call me baby, you can call me anytime

But you got to call me

Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around

Said I don't want leave you lonely

You got to make me change my mind

I don't want no one to squeeze me - they might take away my life

I just want someone to hold me and rock me through the night

This youthful heart can love you yes and give you what you need

I said this youthful heart can love you and give you what you need

But I'm too old to go chasing you around

Wasting my precious energy

Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around

Said, I don't want leave you lonely

You got to make me change my mind

Baby just give me one reason - Give me just one reason why

Baby just give me one reason - Give me just one reason why I should stay

Said I told you that I loved you

And there ain't no more to say

Bizarre way I got a hired.

2010-09-07T12:57:00.000-07:00

Let me just set this up for you. 7 or 8 months ago, I dropped my CV off at this Ad Agency's booth at an employment fair in the hopes of getting employed, right? They called me up about a week and a half ago telling me I had an interview the next day. I laughed because their timing tickled me but I agreed, showed up and did well. Then I was told that I would receive a call in at least two weeks when they had made their decision. I said "OK" though I took everything said with a grain of salt.

Right well then they ACTUALLY called me a few days later saying that they wanted me to come in on the weekend for a second interview. It was at that point that I began to freak out because someone was actually showing interest in ME!-- yes, me, the girl with no Arabic skills. I mean, seriously, up until that point this interview had been just like all the others (with the exception of ONE at an Arabic music channel with an uber bitchy lady that came in and started the interview with "EHEHE, I haven't read your CV." EHEM EHEM!) Yes, this one went well- but I never expected a call because their eyes usually glaze over once I say " I'm not fluent in Arabic"

Anyhoo, I totally acted normal on the phone even though I was about to piss myself from the shock and excitement of it all. I went to THAT interview and did well again.

Anyway-- this is what really kills me. I get a third call from a lady at a company with this foreboding message, "We'd like you to come in for a meeting tonight at 8, I don't know what it's about, but you can come in and see for yourself."

...

See for myself? What? OH COME ON!!!

Are you serious?! I frothed at the mouth wondering why this ~~torture~~ suspense was really all that necessary. I mean, surely it would make sense to either just reject me or accept me on the phone...or just tell me what this was all about right? Right?

Well after ~~the longest day of my life~~ a few hours, I showed up looking really spiffy. I had totally been convinced that I got the job by my giddy parents who thought that all the money they spent on their kid's university tuition was about to pay off, so I was all smiles. The door opened and this creepy old man let me into the EMPTY office (really just a flat). I'll skip this part even though it was hilarious and I thought I was going to die because he had begun shutting the blinds in the room I sat in.

Point is, Sorry parents, I did NOT get the job. Malheureusement, je suis encore un loser. But they weren't so cruel as to make me go all the way over there just to reject me, no. I sat down and the guy reads my name and sighs. "Sally, sally, sally...we had a long discussion about you."

And then it all went downhill from there.

Ok not completely. I didn't get the actual job but they were actually quite nice and said they were willing to offer me training to see how well I can deal with Arabic-speaking clients. They really didn't have to do that, but I was told that they saw enthusiasm in me and wanted to give me a shot. Yay, me.

I won't lie- I cried. But you have to take every opportunity you can get right? I'll learn some stuff, do something productive, have something to add on my CV. And later, yes, LATER they'll all "rememba, rememba, rememba my naaaaame!!!! FAME!!!" (still a feel good song dammit!)

So ladies and gentleman, I'm headed to the office on Monday! Wish me luck, I'm nervous and want to do well. And remember, that job you applied for 8 months ago... might still be a viable option :P

Have a good rest of the week!

Olive Oil

2010-08-30T04:30:00.001-07:00

Olive Oil
Originally uploaded by bossbob50 - "Slowing down to normal"

Just some randoms for you loved ones:

* I pointed and laughed at a child yesterday, but to be fair, she did it first! Seriously, I was just minding my own business when this devil child out of nowhere points at my face and says: "Eih da?! HAHAHA" Now I know it was immature and I'm not proud of what I did, but I have to tell you it was absolutely, hands down, THE most satisfying thing I've done in a while XD

* I freaking love Olive Oil. I want to marry it. You can eat it, you can put it in your hair, or your skin. Ugh I love the stuff.

* I just came back from a job interview. I had stopped looking because I had to recuperate from a string of rejections and you know what? I went in there with a "I seriously could not care less about this" attitude and did BETTER than I have at any other interview. Plus I felt awesome afterwards singing "Rememba! Rememba! Rememba my naaame. FAME!"

Baby look at me

And tell me what you see

You ain't seen the best of me yet

Give me time I'll make you forget the rest

I got more in me

And you can set it free

I can catch the moon in my hands

Don't you know who I am

Remeber my name

Fame

It's like: That's right bitches! You remember my name!!! Such an appropriate time for it to play on the radio, I was feeling GOOD. Maybe a little too good haha.

Anyhoo, have a fabulous day!

Harassment in Egypt

2010-08-18T16:32:00.001-07:00

Woman strong
Originally uploaded by Josh Rutherford

I recieved a comment asking if I could give tips about how to deal with the harassment that occurs in Egypt, and I figured writing a post about it may be benefitial to more people :)

Let me first begin with the fact that I have been both physically and verbally harassed here in Egypt. Let me also state that in the years I have spent here, I've realized that certain things I do can minimize the amount of harassment I get.

When I first moved here I was so apalled at the catcalls I would get, and the things guys would whisper in my ear as I walked past them. Some because they were so crude in nature and some because they were soooo freakin cheesy it was painful. "Hello, you want strong Egyptian husband?" is an example. I loved responding in Arabic to that one haha. Anyway at first I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me-- I mean, why would so many men have something dirty to say to me right?

But I realized that it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Whether I covered up more, or lowered my gaze, the stares and comments still came.

Egypt really does have an issue with the harassment of women, anyone who denies it is not being truthful. It happens, and the best thing you can do is try to minimize it.

You can do this by:

* Dressing appropriately. Personally, I don't wear sleeveless shirts or anything shorter than just below my knee when I'm out in public (I would never wear a skirt downtown though). I will also bring a scarf to cover up with if I know I'm going to be in a rough neighborhood.

*Trying to never walk alone. If I really have to, I walk with purpose. Walking with confidence or a scowl really does make a difference. If it's late at night and you're in a less crowded area, call someone to pick you up or wait somewhere safe and have someone call you a taxi (unfortunately there are some creepy stories about taxi drivers too). My sister once opened her door and jumped out of one taxi after the driver had been staring at her chest via rearview mirror and asked her to sit next to him so he could "pick up another passenger". Good on her.

*Getting loud when you have to. I once yelled at some guy who had been following me in the mall with his friend at the top of my lungs. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared but I swear to you, the guy literally ran away. Embarass the guy and he'll want nothing to do with you.

*Having an appropriate reaction. I honestly hate seeing a girl laugh or giggle when a group of guys are commenting about how much of a "muzza" (babe) she is. These are the girls that make guys feel it's ok to harass women. Sometimes-- the best reaction is to pretend not to have heard a thing and ignore the guys without a glance. Of course it really depends on the girl and the situation. I once punched a guy in the face because he grabbed me. Ok that's a lie, I punched him in the neck because I punch like a girl and missed his face...but I wasn't going to let the idiot get away with it!

* Don't wait on corners. Yes so I totally understood this one a bit late. I would wonder why all these guys would stop and try to motion for me to get in their cars and then drive off after I gave them a "dude, wtf do you want?" look. But yes..one day, my brain decided it wanted to start functioning and it hit me "OH!...They think I'm a...."
All this being said, I would never tell a woman not to visit Egypt. Harassment is crappy and can make you feel awful. But understand that it's not you. I mean, a child who must have been something like 6 years old once made kissing sounds and did a chest shake when he walked past me. It just goes to show how "normal" it has become here. Just show that you're not scared and you'll be fine. After a while you will develop a sort of instinct about this.

It becomes second nature to cross the street and walk on the other side when a group of guys are walking towards you, or hang out in a store a little longer than usual while a guy that's been following you finally decides to leave, or dress a certain way when you know you'll be headed to specific areas.

It's more of a nuisance than something to fear. Don't let these people deter you from what could be a great experience for you if you intend on visiting :)

"There is no ground zero mosque."

2010-08-17T16:38:00.000-07:00

I blew up NO towers...so why am I being made to feel responsible?

Why should regular Muslims, (especially Muslim Americans) have to "refudiate"* plans for this COMMUNITY CENTER that just so happens to have a prayer space?

The mosque is no provocation.It is not being built in a show of a lack of respect. The center is open to all New Yorkers and is at least 2 blocks away from the site.

Agreeing that it is a provocation would mean that I accept responsibility for the events of 9/11. Which I don't. I have nothing to do with them. I was sitting there in my ceramics and pottery class when I was in the 9th grade watching the twin towers fall on the TV in as much shock and outrage as the rest of my class. Muslims probably died in that attack as well, or were called in as firefighters, or cried because they felt THEIR country was under attack.

But no one cares about that because it has suddenly become OK to hate the people of an entire religion based upon the actions of fanatics.

It has become OK to ostracize Muslims, to the point where people are basically saying "screw the constitution, these bastards killed my son".

But "these" people constitute something like 1.8 billion people from countries all over the world including the US.

Muslims living in the US are probably in more danger than non-Muslims. You know what happened after 9/11? Someone tried to blow up the mosque we went to. But I've gone on a tangent.

People are living in fear. Muslims have become the enemy. And what is strange to me is that American soldiers have lost their lives and are continuing to lose their lives on this weird mission to export democracy and "free" Muslims in Iraq...and back home, the US is becoming more and more like the countries that it wants to help.

Why is there even a debate?

*Palin needs to disappear.

They're leaving on jet planes

2010-08-16T03:03:00.000-07:00

So many people are traveling this week!

My cousin is off to Sweden for four months. My childhood friend is leaving for Harvard. And my daddy-in-law is back to Abu Dhabi for work.

Work is no fun but SWEDEN! HARVARD! I'm so excited for the both of them.

I grew up traveling around but my cousin has pretty much lived in Egypt since the age of 4. And after my study abroad experience I think I'm actually more excited about him traveling than he is! Poor guy is actually kind of scared. I remember that feeling well but I know that it completely dissipates when you start discovering that you're not going to get mugged everyday like your parents would have you believe, you're not going to starve, and you're not going to wind up on the streets begging for cash. And it's freakin SWEDEN. I've been wanting to visit!

And as for Harvard. I don't even have to talk about how awesome that is. But I can talk about how awesome my friend is. She's a million more times awesome than Atayef during Ramadan...that's right, I said it, more awesome than Atayef. I mean, they handed her a full scholarship- and I'm pretty damn sure those things don't come easy. I'm so proud of her, and I know she's going to do big things.

As for moi, I am perpetually unemployed and no longer seem to care about it.

I'm just spending as much time as I can with the Kiwi before he leaves.

He lets me play with his face:

Ramadan Kareem!

2010-08-10T14:00:00.001-07:00

RAMADAN KAREEM EVERYONE!

May you all have a blessed month :)

Abu Dhabi, let's get to know each other eh?

2010-08-06T11:11:00.000-07:00

So much stuff has happened I have to tell you guys!

So as it turns out- I might not actually be here in Cairo in a year. That's right, I won't be at the mall here caressing some expensive, shiny item I can't afford due to my unemployment.

NO! I might be working abroad in a few months. I might also be married!!!! What the CRAP right?!

I know. It all happened so suddenly. The Kiwi's parents came back to Egypt for their summer holidays and had a nice chat with me and my parents about our future. And apparently none of us had decided that marriage in a year was a good idea. I guess someone mentioned it once and everyone just assumed that that was what the other wanted.

So once that got out in the open, everyone was basically like, "Erm...ok so if that's not what you wanted, what are you guys doing here?"

You see, the wages in Egypt are ridiculous. More ridiculous than me trying to sing a song by Mariah Carey on my Kareoke machine. Yes, that ridiculous. And that means marriage ~~in this decade~~ soon is not likely.

So it was decided that my hubby-to-be will leave me for a few months to work in Abu Dhabi *tear* come back to Cairo after he's managed to get a steady job, lots of moolahs, and a place for us to call home and pick me up! And by picking me up I mean we would get married, go off to some sunny island in the middle of nowhere for our honeymoon and then fly off to Abu Dhabi to start our life there.

And hopefully my job will pay me mucho dinero so I won't have to caress some other shiny object at the mall there.

YAY!

Oooh but that means I have less time to get sexyfied for the honeymoon and wedding! Ugh this belly has been here way too long and doesn't seem to want to go away.

Go away belly, you cushion-y warm blob of mush, you have overstayed your welcome and Mr. 6 pack is at the door.

I hope your week is filled with good news too!

(Old photo but it's my favorite of us)

I think I'll dip my feet in the pool.

2010-07-23T17:06:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow Kiwi comes over. I was supposed to go with my dad to our summer apartment by the beach but I decided not to as there's no internet there. Ok so maybe that's not the main reason I don't want to go... it's just that I'm not really allowed to go swimming unless I wear a swimsuit that covers my legs and arms. And the idea just never sat well with me. And anyway, we do the same thing over there evvvverytime. One can only take so much sitting around watching everyone else have fun before you decide it's too much torture to continue (like on a really hot day when everyone else is splashing around in the pool)!

For anyone that may have been wondering: The interview was a total fail! But it turns out the position wasn't exactly one I would like anyway. She told me I had to be good with numbers, and if there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible with it's numbers. Maths is like a foreign language to me.

In an unrelated note I just watched Inception and absolutely loved it. Go see it!

Sleepy but can't sleep

2010-07-18T15:42:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh!! So nervous, I've got a job interview tomorrow. Ok today technically. Inshallah I'll get it!

I should sleep! But I'm nervous! But I need to sleep! BUT I'M NERVOUS!!!

Ahahahahaha. God. Help. Me.

Creepy people (and "The Lovely Bones")

2010-07-16T16:42:00.000-07:00

I realize I'm quite sporadic with my postings. But when I feel like it, I feel like it! Tis quite simple.

Kiwi came over today which was absolutely needed as we don't really see each other as much as we used to. It's probably normal, but I've known him for 5 years and I guess I've gotten used to seeing him everyday at university. And now that we've both graduated, and he's started working (I totally forgot to mention that, but HE GOT A JOB!!! He's being trained at the moment, but this was really the last major roadblock towards getting married so I'm excited) I see him maximum twice a week, and talk to him at night for the rest of the time.

I just realized that I haven't really introduced him on the blog yet. So maybe I'll write a separate post later :)

Anyway, we watched The Lovely Bones together. Apparently it got mostly negative reviews which I think is insane by the way because I loved it.

I mean look at these stills!

Also, to end this on something I think is important. There are a lot of creeps out there (just like in this movie) and I feel the need to share this story with you to show it can happen to anyone.

I remember once when I was living back in the States I was walking out towards the main road from school one day. It was a little later in the day because I had to stay for practice since I was on this sports team. When it was time to go I started walking towards the spot my mom would always pick me up from but suddenly this car pulled up next to me. I was on school property but I was taught not to talk to strangers so I walked past it. But then it drove past me, stopped and reversed.

I told myself maybe I was just being paranoid and that maybe it was someone I knew. So I looked into the car to see what the person driving it wanted. And nope. It wasn't anyone I knew, just some creepy old guy.

Creep: "Hey uh..I was just wondering if you needed a ride anywhere"

Me: " *a little shocked* Oh...uhhm no that's alright, I've already got a ride, my mom's coming to pick me up.

Creep: "Really? I mean it would be no trouble at all."

Me: "No thanks. I've got a ride already."

Creep: "You sure? I mean, I just saw you walking and thought I'd ask."

Me:" Yeah uhh...thanks, I could probably walk home from here anyway *LIE LIE LIE*"

*creep drives off*

Maybe it just seems like a normal situation to you guys. But there was something really off about it to me at the time. I mean I looked about 10 years old ( I was 13), school was deserted, and he INSISTED despite me telling him I had a ride. Oh, and the fact that I lived in an area where there were loads of child molesters was a red flag too. I don't know if you can do it elsewhere,but in the states there's this website you go to where you enter your area code and the addresses of all these people will be made available to you.

Point is-- What a creep! Keep your babies away from strangers. Going to a British School when I was younger really drilled being polite into my brain but seriously, I think knowing when you can and should be rude is something else kids need to know as well.

Stay safe out there! xx

Sullen Girl

2010-07-15T13:49:00.001-07:00

"...there's too much going on, but it's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion."

Weight and Flight of the Conchords

2010-07-15T09:49:00.000-07:00

This is pretty random but I was browsing through this clothing website and was pleased to find that it showed images of women that weren't all that thin. They were donned in these cute outfits and all looked fabulous.

I, like many other people, find this to be a great thing. However I want to talk about something else that is sort of related. Because let's face it, this inclusion of plus-sized models in fashion magazines and what not has been talked about to death but has anyone ever realized how it has become OK to hate "skinny" lately? Let me clarify, lately it seems as if a "real" woman is only a real woman if she's got some weight on her.

I say this because I've seen a lot of comments on various forums or websites where people start insulting skinny/thin models saying things of this nature: "Where are the curves? She looks like a pre-pubescent little boy".

Hmmm.

First off, I will say this: I realize that there is definitely a line that has been crossed when it comes to being underweight in the fashion world. I'm not denying that, yes- some of these girls really are too thin. But that's the keyword "TOO". Too thin= problem. Thin= normal for some people!

Growing up I was really, really skinny. Nothing I ate really seemed to make a difference, my legs and arms would still look like toothpicks. I'd have to buy clothes from the kids section because there was nothing my size being sold in the other departments. It wasn't my choice to look the way that I did. In fact I used to try really hard to gain weight, and even took some pills to try and induce hunger so I would eat more. But thin is just what my body type is. And that's just as "real" as women with more weight on them.

Everyone's beautiful in their own way.

And with that, I will leave you with a HILARIOUS song from the band Flight of the Conchords. They're from New Zealand I believe and oh how they make me laugh! You absolutely have to read the lyrics to appreciate it haha. (but if you get offended easily, then don't click!)

So yeah, I'm done with my rant. xx

Good news and bad news

2010-07-14T04:05:00.000-07:00

The bad news is more important, it being that my fiance's grandmother passed away this morning. She had such a sweet soul and a beautiful smile. I'm glad that she got to see all her children and was surrounded by family that loved her before she passed away. Allah yrhamha.

The good news is that I got a job interview for tomorrow lined up. But that doesn't really matter right now, I just want to give my Kiwi a hug.

Decisions, decisions.

2010-07-13T04:11:00.000-07:00

As of today I have sent my CV out to 26 companies. 3 of those so far have contacted me.

The first was a company that asked for an interview, and believe it or not, I rejected it. Of course it absolutely killed me to do so, but after researching the company I found that their political affiliations were not something that I could look over, and so I told them that I had another offer. Yeah. Let's just leave it at that.

The second one was my free-lancing gig. To be honest, the quality and professionalism of the company is something I'm not too pleased about. They asked me to pretend to be from some other company to get photos of the stores that I reviewed. Wait, hold up. Isn't that called lying? Yeah, I don't do that! Anyway, my old boss from Belgium contacted me this morning asking to see my review at this new company. I cracked up laughing because it's not at ALL comparable to the caliber of work he would accept back in Belgium. Plus the editors actually PRODUCED a typo...AND spelled my name wrong.

The third is a local production company. And now I'm confused because a few days ago, I applied to a bunch of job postings from some great multi-national companies (not production related) and I was hoping to get contacted by one of them. The pay would be at least twice as much as this local production house would be willing to pay but...what if they DON'T contact me?

Go for production because I like it, or marketing which I think I also like and would get paid more for (A LOT MORE)?

I figure I'll just go to this interview anyway and see what happens.

Wish me luck!

Transported back in time.

2010-07-12T16:10:00.000-07:00

I don't leave my room much these days.

Partly because I'm not getting along with my family, partly because I enjoy and sort of feel like I need to be alone right now.

Anyhoo, I found a few random things while rummaging through my drawers out of boredom that really took me back to specific moments in my life.

It's crazy how all you need sometimes is a song, or an object, sometime even just a SCENT that transports you back in time. It's funny, the scent of my deodorant brings me back to summer-time in Belgium. Haha, it's weird what your brain will associate with specific moments sometimes.

Anyway, I found some letters that just broke my heart when I re-read them. They were from my best friend. I met her at school here and she was from N. Korea, which was really strange to me because I had never met anyone from there. She only stayed here for a few years, but the bond we had with each other was so strong she felt more like a sister to me than my own. I know I'll never have a friend like her again. When she left, I felt as though I had just lost the one person that I cared about most forever. I mean- it's not like she moved to ANY country, she moved back to THAT country. So there was absolutely no contact with her besides these letters, and then that stopped once her family moved as well. No e-mails, no phone calls, no nothing. I don't even know if she's alive anymore :(

So yeah, these letters brought me back to...holy crap, 4 years ago. It's been that long already? When did time start speeding up like that? Anyway, they brought me back to high school, to my first vacation on my own, to the conversations I'd have with her about anything and everything, to the tears I'd cry when she'd make me laugh hysterically.We would rant about how shitty Egypt was, and how we both wanted to leave. But truth be told, some of my best memories and the most fun I've ever had were here in Egypt- with her, being stupid.
Shit, I can't pretend like she never existed! Sometimes it feels that way, so I'm glad I have these letters to hold onto.

I still pray she's OK. I still hope that one day I'll get to see her again, and I'll have achieved by then what she wanted me to when she left. I still hope that if by some crazy chance that if I DO meet her, things will be the same.

I don't know if I'm crazy or not. I just can't bring myself to get rid of this one embarrassing e-mail account I have, solely because it's the only channel she could possibly communicate to me by in the future.

I just miss her.

Reviews and Birthday presents

2010-06-29T11:39:00.000-07:00

I've currently reviewed 2 places for my new freelancing job. And I've learned that it's something I really enjoy!

The first place I went to was awesome. The manager was nice and gave me any information I needed and let me take some photos as well.

The second place was a disappointment. I was met by this guy that basically made it impossible for me to do anything.

"I was just wondering if I could take some photos for a review I was--"
"You have to contact the marketing manager"
"Ok can I have his number?"
"Here is his card"
"Can I call him now?"
"I don't think so. But he should be here on Saturday so come then"
"Uhm, it's Saturday today."
"Oh. You have to contact him, sorry."

*calls Marketing manager who won't pick up*
"MEEEEEHHHH".

Well excuuuuse me for wanting to write about how great the store was!

Anyway, the point is that this is fun! I get to go out and talk to some people. Window shop a bit. It's great.

Also my birthday was FABULOUS!

I spent it with my family and fiance and got presents (which I never ever get) and yay, I loved it :)

I'm off to do some more job hunting!

Who gotsa job? I gotsa job!

2010-06-26T02:57:00.000-07:00

Sallypino has a job!

Well...ok, not really. It's a freelancing gig for this online magazine which is cool I guess. It won't be enough to live off of (at all), but maybe it'll be enough to buy a nice shirt or maybe half a shirt haha.

I agreed to do this because:
1) I have nothing else to do- no one else seems to be noticing my CV
2) It's something to put on my CV and prettify it a bit.
3) I am more broke than broke!!!

So yeah- I'm off to write a couple of reviews today. It's pretty cool to get paid to window shop, I do it all the time (like I said I'm brooooooke! haha)

So I'm pretty happy, just gotta be patient and see what happens. Oh and a tip I'd like to put out there: A lot of companies don't even check the CVs that you send in via their website. I believe the article I read called it the website's "blackhole". GAH! I wish I had read that BEFORE I sent out 20 Cvs!

The way you are more likely to get an interview is by networking. Like on linkedin!

Anyway, another thing I'll leave you with is my new favorite perfume that my mama in law just brought me for my birthday (well an early birthday present). I'm turning 22 in a few days!

Ohhhh Lordy does this stuff smell good!

Videos

2010-06-14T15:44:00.000-07:00

Video does not always kill the radio star! In fact, sometimes a music video is the reason I remember a song. I've compiled a list of 10 videos that I love in random order. There's something inspiring about each one of them. The emotion, the way they incorporate dance or art, or even technology! Ah! I hope I can create something like this one day...anyway, they're all very different, so check out all 10 if you have the time.

1) Don't Speak- No doubt

2) Elephant Gun- Beirut

3) I'll be waiting- Lenny Kravitz

4) Around the world- Daft Punk

5)Worn me down- Rachel Yamagata

6) Virtual Reality- Jamiroquai

7) Tribute- Tenacious D

8) Her morning elegance- Oren LAvie

9) I'm not your toy- La Roux

10) Can't stop- Red Hot Chili Peppers

So dear friends

2010-06-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

So dear friends

Your love is gone

Only tears to dwell upon

I dare not say

As the wind must blow

So a love is lost

A love is won

Go to sleep and dream again

Soon your hopes will rise

And then from all this gloom

Life can start anew

And there'll be no crying soon

It's all a choice.

2010-06-13T05:59:00.000-07:00

I sit in my room when I need to re-charge. And while I'm in my room I'll read a book ("to stay awake..it rips my life away but it's a great escaaaape!" Ha I love that song.) or go online, sometimes I'll play my guitar, sometimes I'll sit there and try to pretty my self up. I don't really know when I started this little routine of mine but whenever I'm feeling down, I get dressed up and sit around the house and I automatically feel a bit better.

Whatever works for you, yeah? :)

Anyway- so yesterday was one of the days I was lounging on my bed looking for things to entertain me. I randomly stumbled across this woman named Kandee's blog. And wow. At first I was sort of expecting the regular fashion/ make up kind of blog but this woman has really done something different. She's put her soul into it-- she put up this video of her explaining her life story and some of the events she's been through are so heart-wrenching you can't help but want to cry and give her a hug.

With 2 babies before she was 20 she still held onto her dreams and did whatever she could to achieve them despite all the naysayers. And now she's a celebrity make-up artist! What is an even greater achievement in my opinion, is that she didn't become cynnical of life. Hard situations can create cold, "hard" people. But with Kandee- she just sounds like a bubbly person that tries to see the best in everything. What you are dealt in life- is not up to you, you can choose however, how you're going to deal with it.

So in the spirit of positivity. I will try and stop feeling sorry for myself.

I will continue to pursue a career in TV production despite my lack of Arabic skills and phone calls from the companies that I've sent my CV to.
And I'm going to try and do more of the things I love.

Where has independence gone?

2010-06-05T03:32:00.000-07:00

Is it weird to admire yourself? Not the present you, but the you of a few years ago? I just looked back at the entries I have in this blog from 2008.

It's like I've regressed or something to a point in my life before that year abroad.

There's no more optimism in me. Or strength. Or faith in myself.

I had left thinking I was going to prove to myself that I was capable of all these things people were doubting me for. And I did. And I was proud.

Moving back here I have nothing to prove anymore. I sit here in nostalgia of the days I lived alone. Where I had complete freedom over my actions and my thoughts. Those days feel as though they had never existed. I turn 22 soon- but I feel like a child. Unable to go somewhere without permission or someone to accompany me. Unable to make decisions about my life on my own. Doubting myself with every step I take.

I sit here and wait until the day I get married. I'll work for a bit and move abroad with my husband if opportunities should allow it. But where is that sense of independence I once had?

Does it die with marriage or a relationship? How can I regain it?

...quite simply a relationship rant

2010-06-05T03:10:00.000-07:00

The original point of this blog was to write how I was feeling when I was feeling it. It served as a therapy of sorts to me where I could just VENT instead of keeping everything inside. Over time I've started censoring myself more, which is kind of sad. It is a personal blog and I should be able to say what I want.

I will not apologize for ranting.

This year has been a shitty one in terms of my relationship. And I know that I am recently engaged- but I would hate to lie and say that this has been a joyous time for me. Quite the contrary, I find myself depressed.

The amount of fighting is ridiculous to me. I don't even LIKE fighting. But it happens so often sometimes I want to disappear. And most of them are so petty. SO petty. It used to be that when things would go wrong I would have him to talk to, and now that he is the reason for my being upset I just shut up, sit in my room and feel sorry for myself.

What upsets me most is that I remember thinking I didn't want to get engaged (a week before my engagement) because there were so many fights. And now I find myself thinking marriage would be ludicrous.

Sometimes I think that all this talk about the wedding and making my apartment look nice is my attempt to trick myself into believing everything will be better in the future. Like an apartment and living together would fix things. I should know that a nice house does not make a happy home.

It's not that I hate him. It's just that I find myself getting so frustrated with him, that he can't see things my way that all this resentment builds up and I find it difficult to even want to see him. He's a good person and he cares for me, but I don't know how to make this work. And I know that if I am this tired at this point in time then a successful marriage is not in the cards for us.

One day I will stop trying and tell myself that it's just not worth it.

The good days are rare and between them are a whole lot of bad days. I want this relationship to work out because the good days are really good. And maybe that's why we have been together as long as we have. But God I'm frustrated and I'm sad and I'm angry. And I'm lonely.

Sally Mann

2010-06-03T16:35:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across her name one day whilst I clicked through the various photostreams on Flickr.
Someone had asked whether she was the inspiration for the photo I had just happened to land upon. I googled her and her photographs are quite...interesting.

They're mostly of her own children, they're just not the typical types of photos that you would expect to see of children.

There's something so haunting about her photography. I mean, they are no question about it, beautiful images. She manages to capture expressions like no one else that I've seen. And perhaps it's because of that, some of her images are a little unsettling to look at.

I'm not quite sure why, but I decided I would attempt to try and colorize one of her images. Perhaps it was just the idea of colorizing a black and white photo that I was curious about...or maybe I wanted to see what Mann saw before she snapped the photo.(Huh? I swear it makes sense in my head) Anyway,it took me a while but I managed. Besides it's sort of therapeutic to have something to do when things are not going your way. A very welcomed distraction.

Et viola!

Just as haunting in color!

Am I seriously planning a wedding already?!

2010-05-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

My god do Egyptians spend a lot of money on their weddings!!!

I recently attended a wedding fair (yeah, I didn't know they existed either, but they're SUPER useful and fun to go to), and went around to the different booths to see what each one had to offer.

Wines, Make up, Videographers, Photographers, Honeymoon packages, Linens, Jewellry, Chocolate, Cakes, Flowers, Wedding Planners, Dentists! All were represented at the fair-- I don't think a single detail was overlooked. And honestly, I felt ohhh just slightly overwhelmed by it all.

I mean- when I thought about my wedding I thought about showing up in a pretty dress, trying not to sweat too much from nerves (hey! it's a real problem!), and you know...getting through the ordeal. I knoooow, I know! A wedding is a joyous occasion! I should be thinking of happy things like spending the rest of my life with someone I love (I am)! I've heard it all before from a friend who was shocked I was so scared of the actual event, but you know what I've also heard? My cousin says that she hardly remembers her husband next to her on the big day. Why? Because of the massive amount of people attending and all the attention! It was all a big blur!

I've gone on a tangent.

The point was that I didn't think about party favors! Or getting my teeth whitened, or the invitations! I mean some lady at a beauty booth made it seem like I was in such a dire situation because I have freckles on my face!

"Freckles take TIME to remove. You really need to try this."

HEY! I like my freckles lady!!!

And the COST of everything. I mean, some things didn't seem like too big of a deal at first. It's THE big day after all...but then these little things started to pile up! And suddenly I'm looking at a pamphlet for chocolate packages and the number LE19,000 is staring at me in the face and the girl who handed it to me is laughing maniacally in her little snow-white costume. And it's getting hotter. And someone else just handed me a pamphlet. And AHHHHH!!! TOO MUCH!!!!

I'll go! I'm off to look at more magazines for a perfect wedding gown!

Have a good week!xx

Exempt.

2010-05-18T01:02:00.000-07:00

My fiance's exempt from the Military!!!! I cried from joy yesterday I was so relieved.

It's not that I worried he was going to get sent off to Iraq or Afghanistan. It was just that he, like other Egyptians, wasn't really given the luxury of choosing to join. No one asked his opinion on the matter. He just had to present himself and if he was lucky (which he was) he'd be exempt. If he was unlucky- they'd take him for a year. And if he was really unlucky? 3 years.

There's no opting out. Conditions are sucky as hell. You hardly get paid. And come on, after 3 years in the military what are you going to remember of the 4 years you spent at university?

It was just something we were both crossing our fingers and holding our breath for. Exemption means a lot of things! It means he can work now,which in turn means that we can get married sooner, it also means he can leave the country whenever he wants. Ah! I'm ecstatic.

All these things that seemed impossible just two days ago, are not only possible now but also likely!
I don't have to wait 2 years to start my Masters. I can live abroad soon, and travel!

I was willing to accept bad news. I was willing to wait here with him- but you know what? I think that makes the news all that more sweeter. I'm grateful. And I'm excited :)

Say Anything

2010-05-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

God what this does to me. I don't even normally like romantic movies, but this movie seriously just does me in.

If only there were more guys out there like Lloyd Dobler! The world would be a much better place. I have fortunately snagged myself one- but prior to him, this Lloyd Dobler guy drove me insane because it felt like some sick practical joke! Like some screen-writer out there cooked up the character to make girls believe there were good guys out there just so he could say: "HAH! We're all assholes hunny!" after a dozen heartbreaks.

What makes it such a good movie in my opinion is that it's pretty simple. It's about young love.Lloyd's just this guy that's madly in love with a girl no one thought he could get with. He's awkward, he's a good guy, he's sincere. He holds a freakin boombox outside his girlfriend's room to try and get her back.

COME ON NOW. You have a void where your heart should be if that does not make you swoon.

This movie seriously kicks the crap out of any other movie you think is romantic. The way the characters grow is beautiful to watch. The sub-plot makes you want to cry. Rent it now!

And just because I know the Kiwi was feeling a little animosity towards Mr. Cusack here while we watched the movie, I will tell him this: You're lovely. I don't need you to stand outside my room with a boombox. I just need you.

Also for nostalgia's sake, here's In your eyes- Peter Gabriel (the song Lloyd plays with his boombox):

When Love Takes Over

2010-05-11T23:52:00.000-07:00

A little feel good music to start your day off with x

Strangers and Family

2010-05-02T01:36:00.000-07:00

It's interesting how some people out there feel like family within the first few moments of meeting them.
It's also interesting how sometimes a family member or even a long time friend can feel like a stranger all of a sudden- just like the flip of a switch.

I've said it before but I'll say it again-- I'm a really socially awkward person. Always have been, always will be. But, surprisingly enough I really got along with one of my mom's friends last week. Within the first few minutes of proper conversation we were laughing and talking about the most random shit you could think of. It just came easy to me- she'd tell me about her life and I'd talk to her about how freaking confused I am about what to do with mine. All the shit I keep to myself and rant about on this blog came spewing out of my mouth, and for once, I felt like someone understood. At one point she told me she thought I must have been her daughter in some past life hehe-- I'd have to agree- but my point is that in the few days that I got to know this woman, I felt close to her. Like some strange bond had been formed while we were talking about our annoying big hair, and our travels around the world.

And then there are people that I've known for years. People with whom I sit at university. People that I go watch movies and have dinner with. People that I've known since I was 17. People that, if I'm being completely honest here, I don't exactly even LIKE. The group I sit with can't even fathom hanging out just to hang out- it's like there has to be something to do, something in front of us to eat, or something for us to watch because it's the only way we can deal with each others company. Conversations are forced, and are rarely ever about anything substantial...and it's really sad to say this but if ever I needed someone to talk to- I wouldn't pick up my phone to call any of them.

Coming back from my year abroad, I told myself that I would change things. I would cut out the people that were toxic from my life, and for the most part I have. All the people that are two-faced, that gossip, that are supremely immature have been removed from social networking sites, and avoided in real life. And it has made a difference, I promise you. So much less drama to deal with. Unfortunately, I've realized now that I have not nurtured the handful of GOOD relationships I have. So I'll be working on that.

This has been a long rant- it's just that a "friend" said something to me last night that showed such a lack of respect towards me and my fiance and only apologized and called it a joke when I got really upset. And the whole ride home all I was thinking was "How much self-respect must I have to put up with shit like this? Is this friendship even worth having? Is it because all I am capable of is being nice to friends that I end up getting stepped on? What the hell kind of friend is that anyway?!"

Fuck it. Advice from my best friend a long time ago was this, "Don't be nice to the people that can't appreciate what nice is."

Hope you all had a better weekend than I did.

Mount Sinai

2010-04-30T01:58:00.000-07:00

What a trip! Absolutely gorgeous. It was spent with good company and made me feel like I really accomplished something.

We left Cairo at around 8pm and got there 5-6 hours (and around 10 checkpoints) later. My parents are about 60 now, and they're not super fit, so after a little bit of climbing they opted to ride a couple of camels to the top of the mountain. Sounds more fun, no? Let me tell you that THAT is not such an easy way up either! We were on this tiiiny bumpy path in complete darkness. And camels were coming down that same path too! Kind of like an obstacle course now that I think about it.

"Camels coming down! Stay to the RIIIGHT...no wait! LEFT! Ok ok RIIGHT!!"

My mom's childhood friends accompanied us and I was so happy to see my Tita S. on one of the camels because she had told me she had an intense fear of heights. I don't know if any of you have ever been on a camel before- but if you have then you'll know your heart is pounding somewhere in your throat for the first 5 minutes of the ride.

5 minutes is also the amount of time I spent climbing before I realized that maybe, just maybe, I need to start getting more fit. I was running out of breath but I was determined to make it the whole way up the mountain on foot. And I did! Well....kind of. I stopped at the last station for camels because my knees were giving out on me. Shaky knees and a bunch of steep steps are not a good combination my friends!

Anyway- point is that it was amazing. This is where Prophet Moses got the 10 commandments, and as Tita S. said, "If you don't believe there is a God- go to Mount Sinai, there you will believe there is something greater than us."

And with that I'll leave you with a few photos of the trip. More photos at Sallypino's Snapshots.

I'm climbing up a mountain!

2010-04-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

Screw it! I'm gonna ditch class and go climb up St. Catherine mountain with everyone else!!!

I am more likely to regret not climbing up a mountain than ditching video editing class when I'm 70 right?!

Right! OK, so it's settled. I'm glad you agree with me! I'm going and will be posting photos later so you all can feel like you climbed up the mountain with me. YAY.

Everyone have an adventure filled week mmkay?

xx!

Pink Galabeya and Europe's Capital, Your Wonderland.

2010-04-23T01:18:00.000-07:00

As the rest of my family gets to go on cruises and climb mountains this week, I'm stuck in Cairo behind a computer screen. I've got class you see. Video-editing is fun and all and maybe it's just me but sitting on a ship whilst sipping on cocktails during a 3abaya party sounds a lot more entertaining. I mean, I was ready!!! I had a pink sparkly 3abaya just like THIS and everything!

Maybe next time, yeah?

SO-- Class is going well. I think I just need to spend a bit more time practicing to get the hang of things. My last assignment was to create a promo using videos found on Youtube or my own footage. Ghetto as hell, I know, but not my choice. I spent ages trying to think up something to do.

Using my own footage was a no. Everything was crappy quality. So Youtube it was.

At first I thought an Ad for a product would be cool. But then I realized most of it would just be some commercial cut up and put together to look different. A movie trailer was tempting, and I don't really remember why I decided it wasn't a good idea. But yeah, point is I ended up doing a travel Ad. I'm sure you guys have all seen the Ads for Malaysia.

Sing it with me: "Malaysiaa truuuuly ASIAHHHHHH!!!" <3

Amazing Ads haha. My video? Not so much, but hey I tried ok?? I did the best I could with the material I had in front of me. So everyone I present to you: "Brussels: Europe's Capital...Your wonderland." Haha. Shut up.

Throw me some words of encouragement!!!

xx

Filipino Treats

2010-04-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

My mom's friends are visiting her here in Cairo! It's so cute- they grew up together in the Philippines but all ended up on different continents( Australia, Europe, North America, Africa).
So they'll be here for the week, on a ship somewhere on the nile, Luxor and Aswan bound.
How cool is that? They haven't seen each other in YEARS, possibly a few decades even. I'm happy my mom gets to finally spend her time with people from back home. Living somewhere you have absolutely no immediate family or friends you can relate to is no fun.

My point is, one of my Titas arrived yesterday and brought with her all kinds of yummy goodness. OM NOM NOM. So happy.

Have a good rest of the week!

Gif creator

A Bad Dream

2010-04-11T15:21:00.000-07:00

Why do I have to fly

over every town up and down the line?

I'll die in the clouds above

and you that I defend, I do not love.

I wake up, it's a bad dream,

No one on my side,

I was fighting

But I just feel too tired

to be fighting,

guess I'm not the fighting kind.

Spandex Leopard Pants.

2010-04-07T23:53:00.000-07:00

Today should be a good day. Kiwi's car needs to be fixed, and the maintenance place is right by my house so I get to see him all day today. In a few hours I'll be off to university for my video-editing course, and theeen maybe to the club in the evening. Ha, not the WOO! Let's get jiggy with it (do people even say that anymore?) kind of club, but the sporting kind of club.

These clubs are pretty hilarious. Memberships cost an arm and a leg nowadays, but everyone STILL wants to join because it's a status thing. I'm not sure if this is the case with everyone- but my grandma had all these plans of taking me to the club so she could find me a husband with a good family. And she didn't mention it once or twice either, this was something she would tell me every time I came over.

I think there are a few really distinct groups of people there. There are the people that go there to exercise, the moms that bring their young children to play and socialize with other children, the families that go for lunch or dinner, and the elder people that sit in the tea garden.

This last group can further be divided into: "Normal, cute old people who sit with other old people and sip on tea" and "Elder ladies that cling to their youth with a death grasp in age-inappropriate attire and sip on tea".

It sounds mean. I know. I think there's something beautiful about aging gracefully! And others have different opinions, which is fine, but for the love of God- leave the leopard spandex pants at home.I beg of you.

Anyway, I'm off to get ready! Hopefully my professor won't laugh at my assignment and tell me to re-do it. *crosses fingers* Have a good day!

Bunch of Randoms.

2010-04-05T14:03:00.000-07:00

Stumbled upon this on Facebook and thought I'd share. It's not often that one gets to see a heartfelt performance quite like this. I'm embarrassed to say I hadn't heard this song before, but it really is beautiful and it's definitely worth a listen if you have the time:

Determined to create a photo with a 'vintage' quality to it like I see on so many fashion blogs I spent some time on Photoshop and came up with this. It's not amazing, but I like the results anyway :)
I am broke as hell and in need of employment so I can buy pretty things that I will never wear. I like to own things. Being broke means I can't own things, and that makes me sad.
I fear a bird will land on my head one of these days thinking my hair is actually its home if I do not get my hair cut soon. I actually want to chop half of it off...maybe sometime this weekend.
I hate arguments but I love my Kiwi.
The very lovely Pearl from Hung in the Imbalanced nominated me for the Beautiful Blogger award. It made my day! Separate post for that later though...

Mistake.

2010-04-04T05:03:00.000-07:00

I wish I could see tears, or hear his voice break over the phone. I wish he would understand a mistake is something like washing the whites with a red sock. Or knocking on the wrong door. What he did to me was not a mistake.

It was thought out and executed so as to be the most humiliating, hurtful act one could ever do to someone else, let alone someone that he/she may love. I wish he could know what it feels like to be tossed away. So easily. Like trash you find and get rid of as soon as possible whilst you're spring cleaning.

I wish he would understand how small and broken I feel. And feel it too. I wish he would hurt like I hurt.

Maybe then he would understand why nothing can ever be 'fixed'.

OHH- One Huge House

2010-03-27T02:41:00.000-07:00

Getting married means getting my own space. Well, kind of. I guess you could call what I'm about to describe a growing trend- I have no idea about the statistics about it, but I know people whose parents are doing the same thing.

Ehem ehem...If they can afford it, parents here like to build One Huge House (OHH), with separate floors so that their children get to live upstairs once they get hitched. Some parents like to build or buy an apartment building for the same reason. So basically, everyone lives under the same roof.

So "my own space" will technically be attached to my parents house (or the Kiwi's parents house, yes, his parents are in the process of building their very own OHH now too).

I LOATHED the idea when I first heard about it (I was about 7 years old). I still do sometimes. I mean, it seemed to be completely driven by the empty nest syndrome.

Parents: "When my kids get married, they'll leave me all alone and move into their own houses...Unless....!!!"

I'm not completely convinced that this is a great thing, but I have warmed up to the idea slightly. Marriage in Egypt is difficult- apartments cost a crap load of money, it would take years even with one of the best jobs to be able to afford a nice one. So this big house thing really facilitates things. Also, it helps keep the family close, which is one thing that differs big time from Western cultures.

Egyptians are very family oriented. Kiwi sees his grandmother every week on a Friday. His aunts and uncles and cousins all gather there on that day as well. I think it's a great thing-- I mean, all this moving around meant I hardly ever saw my extended family. So I guess sharing one roof would be nice when taking that into consideration.

Of course, there are drawbacks to the idea, but I'm guessing I don't really have to explain.

I have an entire folder of interior decor images on my laptop hehe. I don't know why, but I figure that if I make the place really, really nice, I won't mind the inconveniences as much. What do you guys think? Any coping stategies in mind?

Bye bye couch, hello fresh air.

2010-03-24T12:32:00.000-07:00

I've finally started my video editing course, so I'm this much closer to ...well I'm still not sure exactly what I want to do in the future, but I know I like video editing- so that's what I'll be focusing on for now.

I'm one of 5 people that signed up, which is a great thing--more individual attention for me! And I'm enjoying it so far, you know, except for logging part which is the bane of my existence.

I spent 3 hours today logging a freaking video tape. That basically means going through a video tape and jotting down the time code for the beginning and end of every. single. shot. EVERY. SINGLE. SHOT. (and then providing a description for it). Easy? Yes. Do I have the patience for it? Not at all.

Ah well-- it gets me out of the house which I've desperately been needing lately. I've said it earlier, but I really believe it to be true. Some relationships work better when there's more distance between the two people.

Other people however, I can't seem to get enough of :)

Just Feel Better

2010-03-10T14:47:00.000-08:00

She said I feel stranded
And I can't tell anymore
If I'm coming or I'm going
It's not how I planned it
I've got a key to the door
But it just won't open

And I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
That life happens for a reason
I don't, I don't, I don't
Because it never worked before
But this time, this time

I'm gonna try anything to just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything to just feel better

I Surrender

2010-02-26T03:12:00.001-08:00

I surrender
Originally uploaded by Raul Romo

Earlier this week, I was faced with the realization that I have been dealt some really good cards in life. And that those good cards have perhaps made it a tad bit more difficult to come to terms with things that I do not expect nor want.

I say this because my life will change drastically once I get married as a result of my fiance's career choice.(Truth be told, it was not really his choice.) That's not to say it will be a horrible change, or a bad one (in fact, many would feel privileged to be in this position)- Put simply however, my life will not be what I imagined it to be while growing up.

It's difficult to part with things that you thought were inevitable.

My career will be put on hold for a while so I can support his. That's OK. I can do that-- but I couldn't help but feel a sense of loss when I found out that is what is going to happen.

For the longest time I had been telling myself I was going to graduate from this hell-hole of a university, get an amazing job, get my Masters and PhD, travel and maybe then think about marriage. I had all these ideas about my life and things are just not turning out that way.

I've probably already used this quote here on this blog before, but I'll use it again: "Sometimes you have to surrender before you win."

Yeah, so I'm surrendering to life. I hear you- there's no point fighting you anymore. All I get is emotionally drained. Who knows, maybe you'll take me somewhere I never knew I wanted to be :)

Besides, my mother always told me that sometimes it's the things you don't want that are good for you.

So I surrender, khalas. I'll leave it up to God.

On another note- you guys should definitely watch "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" if you haven't already. Pretty amazing.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks.

2010-02-21T13:56:00.000-08:00

Oh it was lovely! The engagement that is. I'm relieved because essentially what should have happened slowly over ohhh I don't know-- a month, happened in the span of a week instead. Our parents met and 5 days later the Kiwi and I were engaged.

Egyptian marriage rituals are so complicated. It's not about the individuals marrying each other as it about the FAMILIES of those two individuals marrying into each other. A good thing, in my opinion-- just so very, very difficult to manage when your boyfriend's family lives abroad.

Anyway, I did mess up while pouring his mother tea (as I knew I would) but the initial meeting went well and the engagement even better. Being the center of attention when you've got a wee bit of social anxiety isn't pleasant, but after exchanging rings that night, most of those butterflies in my tummy went away. I really can't explain it, to say that everything just felt "right" afterward is the closest I can get.

I am also now officially a graduate! WOO!

This has been a chaotically awesome couple of weeks, but I'm glad I have some more room to breathe and hopefully time to post more often.

Hope you're all well! And 3o2balkoo!

Just a wee bit giddy!

2010-01-28T05:13:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, Kiwi's coming hooome :)

This month has passed by entirely too slow for my liking. And honestly, I think we both realized it was a pretty bad idea to go abroad for a month right before the engagement (even though it was with job-hunting in mind).

Anyway, he's currently on a plane home and I'm excited I get to see him. I'm also excited because he bought my engagement gown for me and it's sitting tight in his suitcase. I can't wait to twirl in it.
I was never really a girly-girl growing up and I guess I'm making up for that now because I haaave to twirl in any dress/skirt that comes into my possession. HAVE TO.

We also get to go and buy our rings together- and he's going to go shopping with my dad for formal shirts...which he doesn't know about yet (haaa.. surprise baby!), it should be fun.

Anyway- I'm entirely too giddy to write a post worth reading by anyone. But I thought it would be nice to document this period in time so I can read it later.

YAY!!!!

Silence and Anger

2010-01-25T06:10:00.001-08:00

silence
Originally uploaded by alicepopkorn

I met up with a childhood friend of mine last week- I told her I was getting engaged and the poor girl actually started getting light-headed with excitement.

When we met up she gave me this book called "The Sphere of Silence", telling me she thought it would be of help during this period. I didn't actually start reading it until last night, I had gotten into an argument with someone and needed to calm down.

Quite fittingly- there was a chapter in the book called: Anger

Here are a few quotes I'll share:

"If the greatest war is the war over oneself, the greatest enemy is anger."

"In an instant, a decade of good work can be wiped out by anger."

"Anger is a drop of ink in a glass of milk. Once you become angry, there is no turning back. Once the ink gets into the milk, the milk is lost forever.

"If detached, anger is a tool. If attached, you become its tool. Instead of getting angry, analyze why. In moving from ignorance to knowledge, the ego and its anger get crushed."

"Anger thrives on attachment. Disasters teach us that we don't own anything in this world. W are merely passing through. In realizing we are are only passing through, anger then becomes redundant."

I don't normally read things like this, I'm more into novels. But it was strangely exactly what I needed to read last night.

I'll read more tonight :)

COCO

2010-01-23T17:40:00.000-08:00

"I hate cynicism, it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
-Conan O'Brien

Why NBC, why?!

Encounters

2010-01-18T19:38:00.001-08:00

two worlds in one
Originally uploaded by anisja1

Life is a strange, strange thing.

You live your life and interact with different people. Some people, you build relationships with. Others, you simply encounter and then never really think about ever again.

But perhaps those encounters meant a lot more to that other person than it did you?

I met an interesting man in Brussels who was creating a documentary about this. He filmed people in a square and then had people voicing over the film with their own, personal stories of this nature. His film's premier occurred recently and he sent me an e-mail to invite me to it.

After reading it, I began to think of any random people that I've ever met, perhaps only once even, who have left a lasting impact on me. And then I remembered:

Noon: God sent this woman to help me, I just know it. It was my very second day in this new city, and every little thing that went wrong made me want to fall down to my knees and cry because I felt so helpless. And then came Noon. She asked me for directions, I said I was new to the city and lost as well. She turned out to be Muslim and she spoke Arabic (what are the odds?) This woman led me to where I needed to be, took me back to her house where she made me food to bring back to my hotel as well as gave me an adapter to make my laptop work. I never met her again but I will forever remember the kindness that this woman had in her.

The Italian: I bumped into him at a hotel and spent the day together. We talked and I thought I was madly in love. He probably doesn't even remember me but I will forever remember him fondly, not because I have romantic feelings for him--because I don't, but simply because meeting him changed my life. I remember being more determined than ever to make something of myself, maybe because he saw more in me than I ever did. My grades went up, I got a scholarship, and I made one of my dreams come true.

Man at the park bench: He helped me when a drunkard was harassing me. It's much too long of a story, but that's the jist of it. I can not even begin to explain the sense of relief I felt when this stranger helped me, and with a nod and a hand wave he was gone. He didn't even wait for a thank you.

I don't know if I've ever had a positive lasting impact on someone I've randomly encountered. But I certainly hope I have.

So what about you? Any interesting encounters?

Worn me down...

2010-01-11T05:30:00.000-08:00

And you're wrong, you're wrong
I'm not overreacting
Something is off
Why don't we ever believe ourselves?

Too many people.

2010-01-07T03:31:00.000-08:00

I went to return this sequined jacket I bought at the mall yesterday (too sequin-y, and it didn't match my dress) and was stuck in traffic for about an hour and a half on my way there. It usually takes about a third of that time-- and with it not being a weekend or anything, it was quite curious.

Whilst in traffic I thought of many a thing.

Like how much pollution all these cars were creating, and how much of it we all breath in while we sit there idly bumper-to-bumper in our infamous Cairo Traffic.

I then thought that maybe this was related to why people have no real sense of personal space here. Abroad, you have someone bump into you as you're walking and you immediately hear "OH! Excuse me!" (unless you bump into a grumpy old Belgian man-- cuz then you get a HMPH!). Here, someone bumps into you and just keeps walking....

Then I looked outside the window and saw the trash that was building up everywhere...knowing it wouldn't get picked up.

I tried to count from 1 to 3 without hearing the honk of a car horn. I couldn't do it.

There are too many people in this city.

It all reminded me of that famous Calhoun experiment in which rats were placed in a limited space. As they bred this space became over-populated and behavioral changes started occurring. The females wouldn't care for their young. Cannibalism occurred. Even mating rituals changed. Rats became more aggressive in their pursuit of a mate. (As far as I remember anyway, I read it a while ago). Any female in Cairo will wholly understand the significance of that statement.

I didn't come up with any solutions to the chaos that Cairo is while I sat there.

But I thought I'd share anyway.

The Who?

2010-01-05T16:22:00.000-08:00

"I don't need to fight to prove I'm right. I don't need to be forgiven."

Love!

2009-12-30T07:20:00.000-08:00

NEEDSUPPLY

*froths at the mouth* Hello you beautiful, sexy, thang you. Ohhh if ever I bumped into you...and maybe if you cost a little less, I'd bring you home with me right away. Right away!

Ostaz. Fashel?

2009-12-30T06:31:00.000-08:00

I was rudely awoken at a quarter to 8 this morning by a phone call from a strange number.

Me: Hello?

Stalker: ALO?

Me: Yes? Who is this?

Stalker: You sent me a message!

Me: No I didn't...I ...I have no credit!

Stalker: So, how did I get your number then?

Me: Ughhhh. BYE.

5 mins later I recieve another call from the same number. I decided that if this man really wanted to speak to me he obviously didn't mind wasting his credit. So I picked up, placed it on my pillow for a while as he talked to himself and then hung up.

Thinking that perhaps I had been mistaken and simply did not understand his Arabic (hey it could have been someone that I sent out my CV to, right?), I told my Dad and handed him my phone. Which is when I recieved a flirty text message from my stalker, calling me his soul, and wondering whether or not I was asleep. *barf*

"Ah...so I guess no one wants to hire me after all!*sigh* ", I thought.

Riiiing, Riiiiing.

Another phone call- from a different number! How sneaky. I could have never guessed it was him, really! I figured I'd suprise him too and let my daddy answer. Ahhh it was a brilliant conversation. Poignant! It brought tears to my eyes!

Stalker: Alo?! (hello?)

Daddy: Aywa, ostaz Fashl? (Yes, is this Mr. Loser?)

Stalker: EIH?!?! (WHAT?!)

Daddy: Msh enta Ostaz Fashl :) ? (Aren't you Mr. Loser! :))

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

It's just not as good in English.

Mind you, this is a very normal occurrence here in Egypt. Sexually-deprived men will call random numbers in the hopes of reaching a female. Old, young, whatever! Female= SCORE! He will then proceed to harrass her with phone calls and messages professing his undying love for her until she wants to throw her damn cell phone away.

We usually handle it by having a guy friend or brother curse the sucker out.
Probably why the way my Daddy handled it was so hilarious to me. Tee hee!

This really was a productive day!

2009-12-29T12:34:00.000-08:00

Another post, so soon?
Yes, I guess I'm just making up for my lack of posting lately :)

I woke up in a good mood and decided to be productive today. The Kiwi has left me for a month to look for jobs abroad *tear* so I've been lonely but I've also been left with all this free time on my hands.

So I got out of bed and decided to get fit. I put on all my sporty clothes and my sneakers that I discarded in the corner of my room after the last time I decided to get fit. I dusted them off and proceeded to do squat-jumps across my room. Now I don't know if that's what they're called- but that's what I did... about 10 times before I decided that was enough exercising for me, and headed off to the fridge for a drink to cool me off.

I then filed my nails while watching a video on YouTube that was teaching me how to do so.

And afterward, I decided to learn French...with Michel Thomas!

My brother had sent me this folder filled with little audio files of this guy teaching an American (so annoying!) and a British person French a while ago. It was right before I was leaving for Belgium and I was desperate to learn the language. Anyway, I just recently re-discovered it on my computer and thought I'd stick with it this time.

It would be a shame to forget the little bit of French I did wind up learning in Belgium. But in all honesty...I think my sudden desire to learn the language is because I've decided I want a Francophone baby.

Yes.

A wee little baby that speaks French and tells adorable, crazy stories...kinda like this one!

:)

New Year!

2009-12-28T04:26:00.000-08:00

This next year is going to be amazing, I just know it.

I'm getting engaged, and *jumps for joy* I've finally graduated! I'm going to give myself about a two month break before I really start looking for jobs.

I'm still not really all that certain about what I'd like to do... and I don't think I really mind that. I think it would be nice to grow older having done a million different things.

Top 3 Jobs I wouldn't mind doing right now:

Video Editor
Television Show Presenter
Documentary Film maker

Here's a video of something I thought was pretty badass. I mean, it's got killer robots in it, of course it's badass. Apparently, the director got a Hollywood contract because of this video he posted on Youtube.

Awesome, no? I'd love to learn how to create something like that...

I'd also love to get my Masters over and done with, and start preparing my apartment for when I do get married.

Mwahaha-- the freedom to decorate as I please. I'm excited!

What excites you about next year? :)

Detaching for Sanity

2009-12-27T14:30:00.001-08:00

[Track 6] Bar-Ba-Sol
Originally uploaded by holly.skye

It's strange how I still want approval from the people I know will never give it to me.
And it's even stranger how each time I accomplish something, there is still surprise, and devastation on my part for that lack of approval.

I think it's normal for a child to seek a parent's praise.
But I think, after today, I won't ever seek it again.

I don't think I'm the most intelligent person out there, I don't think I have amazing skills at anything in particular but I try to do things to the best of my ability.

Not receiving praise for them from my parents is one thing, but when I'm made to feel bad about accomplishing something because of the failure of a sibling-- that's when I begin to think FUCK IT. Seriously, fuck it.

I've been made to feel guilty about getting engaged because it would make a certain sibling feel bad.
I've been made to feel guilty about doing well with studies because a certain sibling fails over and over and over again.
I've been made to feel bad about buying things for myself (with money I earned), because my siblings don't get new things.
For God's sake I've been made to feel guilty about being skinny because my sibling isn't, it's fucking ridiculous.

I think that if I carry on the way I've been behaving (constantly seeking praise/ approval), I just might drive myself mad. And it's situations like this that you begin to realize that the line between sanity and insanity is much, much thinner than you had ever thought it could be.

So kifaaya, khalas already.

What I accomplish in the future will be for myself. And only myself.
My sibling's failures can be their own too.

I think I said it before--distance can be a good thing. I can't wait until I leave here again.

Good news!

2009-12-04T13:58:00.000-08:00

I'm engaged!

Well, kind of. He "proposed", I said yes- my father agreed and his parents agreed. It's just that his parents aren't really in the country and won't be for the next few months. When they do get here for vacation time my family and I will get to meet them, and then and only then am I officially engaged.

I am a nervous wreck. I wake up at night because I know I am the most socially awkward person you could ever meet, and I am absolutely dreading the moment I have to meet his parents.

I had a laughing attack the moment my daddy said "mabrook", and it carried on for the rest of the evening.

God, I can just picture it now. They walk in, I offer them tea and then proceed to pour it on their shoes. OR they ask me a question about myself and I provide them with the most awkward response there is in existence for that question.

Example?

Kiwi's parents: How are you?
Sallypino: I'm GREAT, my eye's been infected-- but the swelling's gone down so...yeah.

I wish I could say that that was an exaggeration, but the truth is that I really would say something like that. My eyes would then drift to the nearest inanimate object and I would proceed to scream the loudest "NOOOOOO YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!!!!" in my head.

*sigh*

The good thing is, his mother sounds like a sweetheart, annnnnd the kiwi gets to come over as much as he'd like now :)

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for smooth sailing until February.

Happy Eid and Community Channel

2009-11-27T00:50:00.000-08:00

Happy Eid!!!!

I hope everyone's enjoying the holidays!

I'm definitely enjoying my break-- ha, or should I say "swine-flu holiday". I'm in my ugly pjs, poufy socks and a big fuzzy blanket watching Community Channel on YouTube. Can't complain about that :)

I effing love her...and her mad video editing skills. I will learn how to do that one day dammit, I WILL!!!

Anyway...I shooould have something to write about in a few days. *gets giddy* Hopefully :)